All Them Teeth and No Toothbrush

"My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush." Anyone who has watched the movie The Waterboy recognizes this line, as it tries to explain the aggressive nature of alligators. While it is true that alligators are aggressive at times, it is also true that I find them adorable and would love to own one as a pet! 

Most people, when talking about the animals they want as a pet, list creatures like cats, dogs, rabbits, lizards, and occasionally snakes. But I've never heard of someone (besides myself) who stated that they wanted an alligator as a pet. When I do tell people that I want a pet alligator they look at me like I escaped from the Psychiatric Ward, and immediately start telling me why having an alligator as a pet is a bad idea. Since I am apparently the only person who would love an alligator as a pet, I would like to explain my point of view to everyone else. 

Alligators are independent. You may see a few gathered together, but most full-grown alligators live by themselves. They take care of themselves, find their own food, and they are content in doing so. The females might stick with their young for a short while, but they are teaching them what it takes to survive, and then everyone is on their own. As a woman who takes pride in independence, I love this quality about alligators. 

Alligators are smarter than we give them credit for. They may not be as intelligent as scientists claim that dolphins are, and they may not be as emotionally intelligent as canines, but they are still smart in their own right. Take for example the way an alligator goes about finding food: you don't see alligators thrashing around haphazardly in an attempt to catch something to eat. No. Instead, they are calm and steady themselves in the water... they wait for the prey to come to them... and when the timing is just right....SNAP!  They have the perfect  individual-size dinner. Of course, there are times when the animal that is supposed to be dinner fights back or is more of a mouthful than the alligator originally thought; however, this does not stump Miss Gator. Determined (another trait that I admire) to not let anything get the better of her, Ali-Gator assesses the situation and comes to the conclusion that her current tactics will not be enough to defeat her opponent. This is when she uses her fail-proof tail-swish maneuver, The Death Roll! First, if an alligator uses the Death Roll against you, it means that you will not be alive much longer. No matter how big and bad you are, when an alligator gets a hold of you and does a Death Roll then you are done. Second, how flipping sweet is it to have a weapon called The Death Roll in your arsenal?! 

I also happen to think that alligators are just adorable. I don't know if it is the toddler-like swivel they do on land when walking, or if it is because when they open their jaws that I think of them as smiling all the time. Perhaps I am drawn to alligators because everyone else regards them as ugly and dangerous. Where others see a mindless, menacing monster, I see a beautiful creature who lurks in the water in an attempt to avoid all the negative comments that other people are saying about her.

There are those who have accused me of simply wanting to own an alligator as a pet to show my superior status. And if that is all I wanted, then why didn't I get an animal that is easier to get along with, like a penguin..? First, I do not want an alligator as a status symbol. I just like alligators. Second, I want an animal that would fit into my life, instead of me having to rearrange my living situation in order to accommodate it. Penguins, for example, would turn my world upside down: I would have to keep my house freezing, literally, and those who know me know that I hate being cold. I would have to buy different types of food for the penguins than for me. Penguins eat a lot of fish, and I do not eat fish at all, which would cost me more money. Eventually I would end up hating the penguin because I would have no money, I would be cold all the time, and my house would always smell like fish.
Having a pet alligator doesn't seem like such a bad idea in my case, though. They live in warmer climates, so I would be comfortable temperature-wise; they are able to live in water or on land, which is a plus since I mostly live on land but greatly enjoy being in the water. Plus, I wouldn't have to buy anything special to feed an alligator. I would buy my normal food (with things like chicken and steak) and simply share my meals with my pet alligator, who I would name Sinatra, by the way. This way, Sinatra is still eating well, I'm not spending extra money on pet food (and a little bonus is that I would lose weight because of sharing my food. haha). An alligator just fits in my life.

I think that what I've written makes a lot of sense in explaining why I love alligators so much. But maybe I'm a bit biased. It could be that all of these things are justifications for a weird-girl liking an odd animal. What do you think? What do you think it says about me that alligators are my favorite animal?

"Writing is the hardest way of earning a living, with the possible exception of wrestling alligators."