A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about helping other people even when they are not able to help you in return ("It's a New Life for Me, and I'm Feeling Good"). In this post I talked about how we should be willing to help others even if it does not benefit us in any way; do a good deed, don't expect anything in return, just be nice for the sake of being nice. Well, you will not believe how many comments I've received about that particular post. So, this is my follow-up to that post. Let's see if we can get things straightened out a little, or if this only causes more confusion and comments.
I stand by what I said in the former post: we should be willing to help other people in need even if it does us no good; however, I also think that we should not enable a person in a bad situation at our own expense.
There is a difference between helping a stranger to her car because it's a shady neighborhood, dark outside, and has her hands full, and giving your only $20 for groceries for your family to the man down the street. In the first scenario, you are helping someone who is not able to return the favor, but you aren't sacrificing the well-being of yourself. In the second situation, while you would be helping a person in need, you are also sacrificing the health and needs of your family. Perhaps this is just me being selfish, but I think you should take care of yourself and of those directly under your care before you try to take care of the rest of the world. Yes, sometimes this means that you are not able to help others, but it means survival for those people closest to you.
Here's an example:
A single mother working two jobs and raising her infant daughter has managed to set a strict budget so that she can pay rent, buy groceries, and still have some free time to spend with her daughter. This woman has a friend that is struggling financially, and needs to borrow money from the single mother. My advice would be to tell the friend "Sorry, but I can't help you. I have a little girl to take care of." I might offer to help the friend in a different way (such as letting her crash at my house for a while, helping her look for a job, etc), but I would not forgo my daughter's health and security for the benefit of a friend, even.
The quote that I feel most accurately depicts my thoughts is "Being taken care of is nice; taking care of yourself is better." I know that life is rough. Everyone goes through hard times and needs help getting back on their feet in one way or another. And asking for help is acceptable. As long as you are not constantly asking for a hand-out. Maybe it is my stubbornness, or just my independent side, but I honestly believe that most people should be able to take care of themselves in everyday circumstances. I grew up in a house that didn't have a lot of money, but we always had what we needed. We didn't ask for other people to help us with our money troubles, but instead figured out what we could live without. I think it is absolutely ridiculous for someone to accept help with buying groceries or paying rent (the basic amenities for life) when they are perfectly able to buy a new flat-screen TV, or spend their entire paycheck on alcohol. I would seriously be embarrassed of myself to ask for any one's help in that sort of situation. I do not have the latest technology, I purchase my clothes from consignment shops, and I buy generic brand cereal. But I am taking care of myself. I'm not asking other people to take care of me because it's more convenient.
I suppose that I have gone on a tangent in this post, and I'm sorry about that. But I'm not sorry for what I said. While I believe that we should be willing to help out another person in need, I also think that we need to think about our actions, and be willing to put ourselves (and our families) before the needs of others. Also, don't be one of those people that asks for help all the time, gets other people to do the hard work for you, and then just skate by. Grow up. Learn how to take care of yourself and don't push that responsibility off to someone else.
Once again, I can't wait to hear what you have to say about this post. Am I being unrealistic for thinking that people should be able to support themselves? Do you think that I am heartless for saying that you need to take care of yourself and your family before trying to help everyone else? Do my explanations make sense, or do you think that I am contradicting myself by saying to help people when it will not benefit you, but that sometimes you have to look out for number one? Let me know what you think.
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