I hate being blown off. I hate when I make plans with a friend, and then he ditches me at the last minute because something better came along. I hate getting all dolled up and ready to go out only to sit at home alone.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I love just sitting at home in my comfy pants while watching television. But when I thought that I was going out with friends to have a good time, sitting at home is a let-down. I feel dejected. I feel like a pariah. And eventually I just get mad. Lately, I've been mad a lot.
It drives me crazy that people don't seem to keep their word. More than that, it baffles me that people aren't bothered that they aren't keeping their word. The majority of people keep their word when it comes to the deal-breakers, but the littlest of things seem to slip through the cracks. For those of you who have read my post "The Little Things Mean the Most" you already know that the little things add up quick for me. To put it simply, I believe that people should keep their word. Granted, there are times when life takes us on a roller coaster, and then we aren't able to follow through with what we had said; however, most of the time, people are too self-obsessed and just simply don't follow through. They don't feel like it, so they aren't going to do it.
That is so stupid it makes my eye twitch!
I'm from an area where if you look a man in the eyes and shake his hands, you are giving your word. You mean what you say, and are willing to prove yourself. That means something. Keeping your word shows what kind of man you are. Not keeping your word means a loss of respect. You don't have enough backbone to do what you originally said you would, you don't have enough drive to complete something that you started. If you don't keep your word, then you aren't a real Man to me.
A few weeks ago, I was supposed to meet my friend, Sam, to hang out and watch Christmas movies. Nothing life changing, but we had made definite plans. Just before I leave the house to meet him I receive a text from him. He told me that he went out with friends and wouldn't be home. No apology, no plans to make it up at a later time. Just Sam saying that he found a better deal. Needless to say, I was mad. I came home and watched James Bond all night (because James Bond never stands me up!) and that made things a bit better, but I was still mad.
Time passed and I invited Sam to hang out again. I told him in advance that these were not going to be wild and crazy plans, but they beat him sitting at home alone all night. He enthusiastically agreed. He said that he was excited, couldn't wait to see me and just have a nice night out. Because I'm a student of History and know that Sam is kind of a flake, I sent him a text making sure that we were still on. He replies with, "I forgot to tell you...I made other plans." Once again, no apology, no other explain, no plans to get together at a later time. Just another "No...that's not happening" moment.
Time passed and I invited Sam to hang out again. I told him in advance that these were not going to be wild and crazy plans, but they beat him sitting at home alone all night. He enthusiastically agreed. He said that he was excited, couldn't wait to see me and just have a nice night out. Because I'm a student of History and know that Sam is kind of a flake, I sent him a text making sure that we were still on. He replies with, "I forgot to tell you...I made other plans." Once again, no apology, no other explain, no plans to get together at a later time. Just another "No...that's not happening" moment.
I just don't understand this mindset. I don't know how someone can say that they will do something, and then skip away at the first chance. I'm just not hardwired that way. I took one of those extensive personality tests ("Strengths Finder 2.0" by Tom Rath) and one of my top 5 personality characteristics is Responsibility. The following is the description of Responsibility: "Your Responsibility forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done."
I am a Man of my word. If I tell you that I have done something, then I have done it. If I say that I will do something, you can bet that I will do everything in my power to get it done. I don't take things lightly; I make promises that I keep, or I don't make promises at all.
Boy 1: Hey, a bunch of us are going out to play laser tag on Saturday. Do you want to come with us?
Boy 2: Umm...Maybe...
Perhaps if you used that "maybe" in a complete sentence I wouldn't be making this face at you. Perhaps if you gave me a reason that you are hesitant to answer my question I would be able to give you more information to help you make a decision. The above conversation could easily be fixed.
Boy 1: Hey, a bunch of us are going out to play laser tag on Saturday. Do you want to come with us?
Boy 2: Umm...Maybe...That sounds like a lot of fun, and I would like to go with you, but I have plans for Saturday night. What time are you guys going?
Situations like the example I gave above are usually just instances of non-communication. People assume that others know what they are thinking, and there is no need to explain the reasoning behind their response; however, I have encountered far too many people who use "maybe" as an escape route. They tell you "maybe" so that they don't have to give a definite answer, and can therefore back out of plans with you once they have found something better to do. To me, this is being a coward and letting other people down. I think people who use this escape tactic need to Man Up!
One of my ex-boyfriends was THE WORST about giving "maybe" answers. I asked if he was still coming to my house for Thanksgiving to meet my family. "Maybe." I asked if he wanted me to come to the airport to see him off. "Maybe." Were we going out for New Years Eve? "Maybe." You're coming home for a few days?! That's great! Will I get to see you? "Maybe." If there had been a follow-up response with his "maybe" answers then that would be one thing. But when I asked probing questions (like "What does it depend on?") he would answer with something akin to "I don't know. It just depends..." He was using "Maybe" as an escape: He hadn't committed to doing any of these things so that he was able to blow me off and go with the better alternative. (Notice: he is an ex-boyfriend for a reason!) I would much rather you tell me flat out that you don't want to do what I've asked as opposed to saying maybe, me getting my hopes up and then being disappointed and mad later. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. It won't hurt my feelings if you just tell me the truth. I promise. It will hurt my feelings if I feel like I'm your back-up plan and not worth your time. That will tick me off, actually. But I would rather you tell me "No" to any question (even the ones listed above that I asked of my then-boyfriend) so I know definitely what is going on. I won't be expecting you to show up, I can go out and have my own fun without worrying that I didn't wait long enough for you to show up. I can be with those people who do care enough to hang out with me when they say that they are going to. Just Be A Man and tell me what you're doing. One way or another. I don't care, I just need to know for sure.
Now, obviously I'm using the phrases "Be a Man" and "Man Up" loosely. I'm not only talking about men. This is a generalized statement. Men, women, boys, girls, transgender people, and anyone else. It doesn't matter to me. As long as you are true to your word then you have proven yourself. In the Disney movie "Mulan," the title character (who is in fact a female but cross-dresses as a man during a war) is more of a man than some of the other characters who are male. Yes, this is a Disney example, but it also has roots in real life. Just because you are male doesn't mean that you are a Man. And on the contrary, just because you are female doesn't mean that you are not a Man. I know that my explanation can get a little convoluted, but the point is that it takes a person of real character and strength to do what is right and follow through with their actions. Do what you have said that you will, be honest about it, and you're a person of character; you are a Man. (Once again, I know that people are only human: we are going to make mistakes, we are going to do the wrong thing every now and again. I'm talking about more than the random instances, though; I mean consistently finding yourself going back on your word.)
I know that I've gone on a rant with this post, and I fully expect to get a lot of negative comments. But as usual, let me know what you think.
I am a Man of my word. If I tell you that I have done something, then I have done it. If I say that I will do something, you can bet that I will do everything in my power to get it done. I don't take things lightly; I make promises that I keep, or I don't make promises at all.
Another facet of this that I can't stand is the "maybe" answer.
For example:Boy 1: Hey, a bunch of us are going out to play laser tag on Saturday. Do you want to come with us?
Boy 2: Umm...Maybe...
Boy 1: Hey, a bunch of us are going out to play laser tag on Saturday. Do you want to come with us?
Boy 2: Umm...Maybe...That sounds like a lot of fun, and I would like to go with you, but I have plans for Saturday night. What time are you guys going?
Situations like the example I gave above are usually just instances of non-communication. People assume that others know what they are thinking, and there is no need to explain the reasoning behind their response; however, I have encountered far too many people who use "maybe" as an escape route. They tell you "maybe" so that they don't have to give a definite answer, and can therefore back out of plans with you once they have found something better to do. To me, this is being a coward and letting other people down. I think people who use this escape tactic need to Man Up!
One of my ex-boyfriends was THE WORST about giving "maybe" answers. I asked if he was still coming to my house for Thanksgiving to meet my family. "Maybe." I asked if he wanted me to come to the airport to see him off. "Maybe." Were we going out for New Years Eve? "Maybe." You're coming home for a few days?! That's great! Will I get to see you? "Maybe." If there had been a follow-up response with his "maybe" answers then that would be one thing. But when I asked probing questions (like "What does it depend on?") he would answer with something akin to "I don't know. It just depends..." He was using "Maybe" as an escape: He hadn't committed to doing any of these things so that he was able to blow me off and go with the better alternative. (Notice: he is an ex-boyfriend for a reason!) I would much rather you tell me flat out that you don't want to do what I've asked as opposed to saying maybe, me getting my hopes up and then being disappointed and mad later. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. It won't hurt my feelings if you just tell me the truth. I promise. It will hurt my feelings if I feel like I'm your back-up plan and not worth your time. That will tick me off, actually. But I would rather you tell me "No" to any question (even the ones listed above that I asked of my then-boyfriend) so I know definitely what is going on. I won't be expecting you to show up, I can go out and have my own fun without worrying that I didn't wait long enough for you to show up. I can be with those people who do care enough to hang out with me when they say that they are going to. Just Be A Man and tell me what you're doing. One way or another. I don't care, I just need to know for sure.
Now, obviously I'm using the phrases "Be a Man" and "Man Up" loosely. I'm not only talking about men. This is a generalized statement. Men, women, boys, girls, transgender people, and anyone else. It doesn't matter to me. As long as you are true to your word then you have proven yourself. In the Disney movie "Mulan," the title character (who is in fact a female but cross-dresses as a man during a war) is more of a man than some of the other characters who are male. Yes, this is a Disney example, but it also has roots in real life. Just because you are male doesn't mean that you are a Man. And on the contrary, just because you are female doesn't mean that you are not a Man. I know that my explanation can get a little convoluted, but the point is that it takes a person of real character and strength to do what is right and follow through with their actions. Do what you have said that you will, be honest about it, and you're a person of character; you are a Man. (Once again, I know that people are only human: we are going to make mistakes, we are going to do the wrong thing every now and again. I'm talking about more than the random instances, though; I mean consistently finding yourself going back on your word.)
I know that I've gone on a rant with this post, and I fully expect to get a lot of negative comments. But as usual, let me know what you think.
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