Last week I took a shortcut with my post. I gave you all something to talk about, sure, but most of the information was from Glynis McCants the Numerologist (for more information see the post "So, Listen....Can I Have Yo Numba?!") To make up for it this week, I'm posting an Only-Katelyn story. This one has all the complications that come with going on a date in addition to my unfortunate-yet-entertaining luck, so that should keep my readers interested. Here's hoping you enjoy reading, but never encounter Willyam The Socially Awkward.
Willyam first asked me on a date via Facebook. That isn't a big deal considering that most of my communication is done with Facebook's help, and most people use technology to talk to each other rather than actually talking to each other. What struck me as odd was where he wanted to meet for our first date: he wanted to meet in downtown Louisville at a park at 9:00pm close to the river bottoms. STRIKE ONE! I agreed to meet him, but on the condition that we changed the place and the time. Instead of his plan, I suggested that we meet at a local mall on a Sunday afternoon (this way there were lots of people around, it was daylight, I knew where I was, and I had to leave by a certain time for church. It worked out perfectly!) It was a decent date, as first dates go. Nothing too out of the ordinary this time: we ate, talked, walked around the mall, and then went our separate ways. I was sweet, charming, funny, and I asked questions about him so I could get to know him better. I thought it was a decent first date. Two days after that date, I get a message from him saying that it's better if we're just friends. At this point, I'm a little confused, but not mad at all. The week before, Willyam had showered me with compliments and told me of his plan to marry me and take me with him everywhere. Now, he up and decides that he just wants to be friends.You know what, cool. I wasn't madly in love with him, I didn't know him that well anyway, so I was totally cool with just being friends.
A week after declaring that he needed to "cut his losses," Willyam sends me a message saying that he was wrong for saying what he did, and that he would really like to take me out again. STRIKE TWO! I want a man who makes a decision and stands by it; I don't want someone who flip-flops his answers because he can't make up his mind. Plus, I'm not a fan of anyone deciding that I'm not good enough for them to date, and then for their friend to change their mind; however, I do believe in giving second chances, so I told Willyam that I would have to think about going out on a date with him again.
Flash forward a few weeks. Willyam and I are casually chatting online. He says that he needs to get offline because he's going to take his roommate out to dinner since they won't be living together much longer. Then he adds, "I would take you out to a nice dinner if you would ever go out on a date with me again." I decided that I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt, and agreed to go out on another date. As soon as I tell him my decision, he says, "Great! I think we should get ice cream."
Wait....You say that you'll take me out to a nice dinner and show me a good time, but as soon as I accept, you lower the deal and are only willing to get ice cream with me...? What I'm hearing is that you didn't expect me to agree to the date, but when I do, you have to lower your bid because I'm not good enough for the original offer. STRIKE THREE! Against my better judgment, I still went on the date because I had already given my word. I arrive at the ice cream shop at 6:30 sharp, the agreed upon meeting time, but to my surprise Willyam is nowhere to be found. Now, I can understand running into traffic and being a little bit late; however, my rule is that I will wait twenty minutes for someone to show up. After that, I leave and don't turn back. Willyam finally arrived at 6:48. For those of you keeping track at home, he was 18 minutes late. Needless to say, I was not a happy girl. But he did finally arrive. When we stepped up to the counter to place our orders he told me that if I ordered for us, he would pay. Of course I took him up on that. So I told the lady behind the counter what type of ice cream Willyam wanted, a single scoop, in a cup. Then I told her that "I wanted peanut butter chocolate chunk, double scoop, and in a large waffle cone because he was late!" The lady taking our order cracked up laughing. I figured this would be a good deterrent for him to not be late anymore. (*evil smile*) After getting our dessert, things eased up a bit. We had pretty good conversation, I made him laugh, and we both had a good time; granted, at times our conversations were a little awkward because he chose seats at a bar in front of the window. So when we talked, he wouldn't look directly at me, but would instead look at my reflection in the window. I thought it was a little odd, but chalked it up to him being nervous. It was odd, but not a complete dealbreaker.
Since the second date had gone fairly well, I figured things could only get better on the third date. Willyam wouldn't be as nervous, we would have good entertainment (we went to see Skyfall!), we would have something to talk about afterwards, and it was the weekend, so I wouldn't have to be up (as early) the next morning and could therefore enjoy myself.
I was wrong. Very wrong.
About a half hour before I needed to leave for the theater, I get a message from Willyam telling me that he's excited about seeing me tonight. Aww, that's sweet. When I respond and tell him that I'm excited, too, he informs me that, "No, you're not excited." He didn't like the way I responded, and then told me how I felt. Not a good start to the date, Willyam. I thought to myself, "I was excited, but I'm not now. Geez." I honestly considered cancelling the date, but I'd had a long day at work, and decided that I should go out and try to have a little fun.
At last, I make it to the cinema and catch up to Willyam. [He wasn't late this time! hehe!] But once inside our theater, he would hardly talk to me. We chatted politely, but not anymore than acquaintances would while in an elevator. I was so relieved when the movie started (and not just because I love Daniel Craig as James Bond!). We'd both mentioned being hungry, so when the movie let out I recommended that we stop at the Steak-and-Shake next door to get a few milkshakes, nothing fancy. Without missing a beat, Willyam turns to me and says, "Wow. You're an expensive date." I was so flabbergasted that I couldn't say anything. I finally stumbled through the words "I can just go home, if you'd like. I have no problem with that." He laughed it away, and insisted that I get something to eat with him. Reluctantly, I went. Looking back, I should have left right then, but I didn't know how bad things were going to get. Once inside the restaurant, he wouldn't look at me. He was playing Text-Tag with his former roommate most of our meal, and when he did talk to me, he wanted to talk about a girl he used to date that I am friends with. Trying to get the conversation going, I told him about my day, what was going on in my life, and a few things that were on my mind. But as before, when I said something, Willyam responded in his unique way. "You're boring." That's all he said, and then dropped his head to answer his new text message. Once again not knowing exactly what to say (or perhaps wanting to maintain my Lady status and not say anything that I would regret later) I occupied the remaining time by people-watching the other customers around, as well as genuinely enjoying everything the Russian waitress had to say. STRIKE FOUR! You can probably guess that by this time I was annoyed, insulted, perturbed, and completely confused. I gave several attempts at making conversation, went out of my way to him a second chance, and this is what happens..?! That's it. I'm done. We can be friendly, sure, but there is no way that I'm ever going on another date with this guy again.
A few days later, I get another message from Willyam. He asks me if I want to be his girlfriend (are you kidding me?!) and I quickly answer no. After answering no, and Willyam clarifying that there is no way that I want to be his girlfriend, he asks me a strange question: "So, since you won't go out with me, will you help me figure out how to get this other girl I've been dating to be my girlfriend?" STRIKE FIVE! Not three minutes after I decline your request of a relationship, you ask me to help you seal the deal on a relationship with another girl you've been seeing at the same time as me. You are seriously socially inept if you think that I'm going to be Little Miss Mary Sunshine about this. I had my moments of sarcasm at his expense, but then begrudgingly agreed to point out some of the reasons that made me decide to not date him. What he did with the information was his business. (Call me soft-hearted or whatever you want, but I can't hardly stand to not help someone when they ask for it, no matter how silly the request.)
A few days pass with Willyam and I on our "friends-only" status. He sends me a message as I'm getting ready for bed, so at this point, I'm completely wiped out from my crazy-busy day, and the only thing I want to do is crawl under my quilt and pass out. Nicely, I explain this to Willyam; instead of politely saying goodnight, or something along those lines, he whines because no one will talk to him. I feel a tinge of guilt, so I ask what he means by his previous statement. He reveals that he had intended on talking to Emily (the girl he was courting the same time that he was courting me), but that she was either asleep or ignoring him. So he had to settle for talking to me "because a man isn't really a man if he doesn't have a woman to talk to at the end of the day." So basically, I was his back-up plan because the girl he wanted didn't want to talk to him (although I can't say that I blame the girl....haha), but he still needed someone to validate his life. STRIKE SIX! That was the absolute last straw. I could understand a few oddities, and accept the fact that Willyam was a Socially Awkward Turtle. But with his last few dumb moves, he elevated into the Jerk Neighborhood. I refuse to be someone's back up plan, no matter what the situation is. No. Not happening. With this final blow, I wiped my hands of Willyam, and am more than satisfied with my decision. I mean, by this time in baseball, I would have struck out two batters! It was definitely time to get this guy out of my life for good.
So, what do you think? Am I blowing things out of the water? Was Willyam not as bad a date as I thought? Or do you think I was silly to wait so long to rid my life of him? I don't get asked out on dates much, so I'm not sure where this rates on the "Wow, That Was the Worst Date of the World-O-Meter" but I'm fairly confident that it ranks high. Have you ever been out with your own Socially Awkward Willyam? If so, tell me about it! I'm really excited to see what you have to say about my dating experience, and how I reacted. Let me know what you think!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
So, Listen.....Can I Have Yo Numba...?!
Numerology is the study of life through numbers. According to which number you are, you are able to identify your different strengths, weaknesses, and all that fun stuff. To find out you Life Number, you add up all the individual numbers of your complete birthday until you have a single-digit number.
For example: 05/27/1987
0+5+2+7+1+9+8+7 = 39
3+9= 12
1+2 = 3
3 is the Life Number.
I ran across this one day watching The Doctor Oz show, and thought it was neat because the description given with my number is pretty accurate. So, if you're feeling a little inquisitive and adventurous, figure out your number and read the descriptions below.(All of this information is from Glynis McCants, author of Glynis Has Your Number, and is directly from the Doctor Oz website. http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/numerology-healing-numbers )
The 1 Life Path
The 1 Life Path strives to be # 1 in all facets of their life. If they feel they are not, it can make them very unhappy. The 1 Life Path works so hard to succeed, and when they finish with one project, they move right on to the next. As a result, they don’t always make time for their bodies.
What I have found to be the magic bullet for the 1 Life Path is physical exercise. If they don’t schedule time to exercise, their health starts to suffer. They may end up with neck pain, back pain, and knee pain. It is as if their body is crying out, and movement is the answer for the 1 Life Path. One great thing to do is yoga. If the 1 Life Path commits to doing basic breathing and stretching yoga poses, they will feel so much better!
The 2 Life Path
The 2 Life Path is known for having a big heart, and loves deeply. I sometimes hear stories like, “The woman died of a broken heart.” If I am able to get the birth numbers of that person, I often find that they were a 2 Life Path. The 2 Life Path feels things intensely, and their lesson in life is to learn to have healthy emotional boundaries. My analogy for the 2 Life Path is if someone fell in a well and said, “Can you help me?” They would jump right in, and say, “What’s wrong?!”
So if the 2 Life Path can create a healthy emotional boundary, they will feel much better. Depression is a symptom a 2 can experience. If they spend too much time trying to please everyone, they end up putting themselves in last place. To alleviate this problem, many of my 2 Life Path clients will join group therapy, or any type of group where they can talk about what is going on in their life. This makes a huge difference. Once the a 2 Life Path learns to make themselves a priority, it improves their mental and physical health.
The 3 Life Path
The 3 Life Path is the communicator and need to express themselves. If they feel they are not being heard, I have seen it frequently lead to issues with their throat, such as a very sore throat, or laryngitis – an actual inability to speak. If you are a 3 Life Path and you are in a relationship where you feel what you say does not matter, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship and consider moving on. Another great idea is to write a letter to the person who is troubling you instead of trying to talk about it. Tell the person to read your thoughts, and agree to discuss it at a later time.
I cover this topic in my book, and give special affirmations to the 3, so that their ability to verbally communicate is no longer jeopardized. I am a 3 Life Path, and years ago, I often lost my voice because I didn’t feel heard; when I started doing affirmations, I never lost my voice again.
The 4 Life Path
The 4 Life Path likes to have structure in their life. The fact that “A+B does equal C” is comforting to them. When life gets out of their control, and they feel they can’t fix it, it is very common for the 4 Life Path to get a major headache. And if the 4 feels really overwhelmed, it can actually lead to panic attacks. If you are a 4 Life Path, the next time you feel a headache coming on, take a look at your environment and see what is making you feel out of control. By being aware that you have done what you need to do, you can stop that headache before it becomes a real problem.
The other thing a 4 Life Path can do to alleviate stress is to get outside with nature, such as gardening or walking in park – kicking your shoes off and feeling the actual grass on your feet makes all the difference! The 4 must learn to deal with the fact that they can’t control everything, and focus on just their part. If they do an excellent job on their assignment, and know that the rest is truly not their problem, they will avoid these potential health issues.
The 5 Life Path
It is hard for the 5 Life Path to relax. The 5 needs to have a lot of freedom in their life. If they feel trapped, they sometimes find unhealthy ways to escape such as drinking a little too much, or working nonstop. Since the 5 Vibration operates at such a high frequency, they have to be very careful with prescription drugs, because if they take the wrong ones, it can really backfire. Altering their mind can lead to excess drama in their lives. The 5 must be careful with what they put in their body, and it is actually very smart for them to seek out herbal and homeopathic remedies.
The 6 Life Path
The 6 Life Paths are nurturers, and also need to be in charge. I believe that the 6 Life Path is always trying to save the planet, and as a result, they have to be careful not to become the size of the planet. Their fear is that if they don’t do it, it won’t get done. It is important that a 6 find a nutritional balance in their life. They must do what they can to avoid mindless eating while they are taking care of everyone else in their life.
The 6 female has to be careful not to “over-mother” and “over-protect” her children. Otherwise, it is very common for the 6 female to have issues with her breasts, such as lumps, cysts etc. They must learn to release their children and trust they will be okay. The 6 Life Path is so used to damage control, they have a fear, that if it gets too quiet, it must be “ the calm before the storm.” When life is running smoothly, they need to say out loud, “It’s going good and I deserve it.” Making a habit of saying this will really make a difference!
The 7 Life Path
Although the 7 can be social, they really need their privacy and sacred space. If a 7 feels they can’t have their special time alone, they will be miserable and find unhealthy ways to escape, just like the 5 Life Path. To stay healthy, it would be wise for the 7 to keep a journal to purge their thoughts. The 7 is the Vibration that needs to find a base of faith they can believe in, or they can become cynical. While they work on the spiritual side of who they are, it actually helps them on a mental and physical level. Note: The water has a very calming effect on the 7. When the 7 is troubled, if they can get to the ocean or another body of water, they will start to feel better. Even just taking a warm bubble bath, hitting the pool or hot tub will bring some peace to the 7 Life Path.
The 8 Life Path
In my Numerology research, it is not uncommon for an 8 Life Path to have health issues early on that they need to overcome. It is important for the 8 to stay keenly aware of any health issues that may arise and nip it in the bud. Since the 8 Life Path is here to establish financial security, they can get so caught in their work, or taking care of family, that they may ignore the early physical symptoms that can become a real problem later on. For example, if their back hurts a little bit, and they ignore it, the back can go completely out at a later time. If something in their body doesn’t feel right, they should not let time pass before looking into it.
Note: It is not uncommon for the 8 Life Path to have lower back pain when they are feeling really stressed. I do give affirmations in my book to help them counteract that.
Additionally, the 8 can sometimes feel like the world is out to get them, and end up feeling very victimized. To pull them out of that slump, I suggest comedic movies that make them laugh, and music that makes them want to dance!
The 9 Life Path
The 9 Life Path is a very responsible Vibration, and they have a hard time asking for help, even when they really need it. They often believe that “If you loved me, you’d know what I need from you,” which is so often not the case. The other problem the 9 has is releasing the past. If their childhood was difficult, they often hang onto the pain, and that can lead to unhappiness. So the 9 Life Path must learn how to stay in the moment, and embrace today.
They must learn to ask for help when they need it. They tend to hold their stress in their shoulders and neck; I see this as symbolic because they carry “the weight of the world” on their shoulders. The 9 should regularly get a head and neck message if at all possible. That release will help them feel so much better. To save money, the 9 could invest in a head and neck massager they can operate by themselves. This will do wonders for the 9 Life Path.
I'm not saying that I believe every word of this and that I am now a strict Numerologist. I just thought it was neat. What do you think? Did your number accurately reflect your life? If so, what is your number and some examples that go along with the description? Did you enjoy reading about your Life Path, and possibly figuring out part of what makes you tick? I hope this was fun, and if nothing else, it can serve as a conversation starter over Thanksgiving! Have a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, and as always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
For example: 05/27/1987
0+5+2+7+1+9+8+7 = 39
3+9= 12
1+2 = 3
3 is the Life Number.
I ran across this one day watching The Doctor Oz show, and thought it was neat because the description given with my number is pretty accurate. So, if you're feeling a little inquisitive and adventurous, figure out your number and read the descriptions below.(All of this information is from Glynis McCants, author of Glynis Has Your Number, and is directly from the Doctor Oz website. http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/numerology-healing-numbers )
The 1 Life Path
The 1 Life Path strives to be # 1 in all facets of their life. If they feel they are not, it can make them very unhappy. The 1 Life Path works so hard to succeed, and when they finish with one project, they move right on to the next. As a result, they don’t always make time for their bodies.
What I have found to be the magic bullet for the 1 Life Path is physical exercise. If they don’t schedule time to exercise, their health starts to suffer. They may end up with neck pain, back pain, and knee pain. It is as if their body is crying out, and movement is the answer for the 1 Life Path. One great thing to do is yoga. If the 1 Life Path commits to doing basic breathing and stretching yoga poses, they will feel so much better!
The 2 Life Path
The 2 Life Path is known for having a big heart, and loves deeply. I sometimes hear stories like, “The woman died of a broken heart.” If I am able to get the birth numbers of that person, I often find that they were a 2 Life Path. The 2 Life Path feels things intensely, and their lesson in life is to learn to have healthy emotional boundaries. My analogy for the 2 Life Path is if someone fell in a well and said, “Can you help me?” They would jump right in, and say, “What’s wrong?!”
So if the 2 Life Path can create a healthy emotional boundary, they will feel much better. Depression is a symptom a 2 can experience. If they spend too much time trying to please everyone, they end up putting themselves in last place. To alleviate this problem, many of my 2 Life Path clients will join group therapy, or any type of group where they can talk about what is going on in their life. This makes a huge difference. Once the a 2 Life Path learns to make themselves a priority, it improves their mental and physical health.
The 3 Life Path
The 3 Life Path is the communicator and need to express themselves. If they feel they are not being heard, I have seen it frequently lead to issues with their throat, such as a very sore throat, or laryngitis – an actual inability to speak. If you are a 3 Life Path and you are in a relationship where you feel what you say does not matter, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship and consider moving on. Another great idea is to write a letter to the person who is troubling you instead of trying to talk about it. Tell the person to read your thoughts, and agree to discuss it at a later time.
I cover this topic in my book, and give special affirmations to the 3, so that their ability to verbally communicate is no longer jeopardized. I am a 3 Life Path, and years ago, I often lost my voice because I didn’t feel heard; when I started doing affirmations, I never lost my voice again.
The 4 Life Path
The 4 Life Path likes to have structure in their life. The fact that “A+B does equal C” is comforting to them. When life gets out of their control, and they feel they can’t fix it, it is very common for the 4 Life Path to get a major headache. And if the 4 feels really overwhelmed, it can actually lead to panic attacks. If you are a 4 Life Path, the next time you feel a headache coming on, take a look at your environment and see what is making you feel out of control. By being aware that you have done what you need to do, you can stop that headache before it becomes a real problem.
The other thing a 4 Life Path can do to alleviate stress is to get outside with nature, such as gardening or walking in park – kicking your shoes off and feeling the actual grass on your feet makes all the difference! The 4 must learn to deal with the fact that they can’t control everything, and focus on just their part. If they do an excellent job on their assignment, and know that the rest is truly not their problem, they will avoid these potential health issues.
The 5 Life Path
It is hard for the 5 Life Path to relax. The 5 needs to have a lot of freedom in their life. If they feel trapped, they sometimes find unhealthy ways to escape such as drinking a little too much, or working nonstop. Since the 5 Vibration operates at such a high frequency, they have to be very careful with prescription drugs, because if they take the wrong ones, it can really backfire. Altering their mind can lead to excess drama in their lives. The 5 must be careful with what they put in their body, and it is actually very smart for them to seek out herbal and homeopathic remedies.
The 6 Life Path
The 6 Life Paths are nurturers, and also need to be in charge. I believe that the 6 Life Path is always trying to save the planet, and as a result, they have to be careful not to become the size of the planet. Their fear is that if they don’t do it, it won’t get done. It is important that a 6 find a nutritional balance in their life. They must do what they can to avoid mindless eating while they are taking care of everyone else in their life.
The 6 female has to be careful not to “over-mother” and “over-protect” her children. Otherwise, it is very common for the 6 female to have issues with her breasts, such as lumps, cysts etc. They must learn to release their children and trust they will be okay. The 6 Life Path is so used to damage control, they have a fear, that if it gets too quiet, it must be “ the calm before the storm.” When life is running smoothly, they need to say out loud, “It’s going good and I deserve it.” Making a habit of saying this will really make a difference!
The 7 Life Path
Although the 7 can be social, they really need their privacy and sacred space. If a 7 feels they can’t have their special time alone, they will be miserable and find unhealthy ways to escape, just like the 5 Life Path. To stay healthy, it would be wise for the 7 to keep a journal to purge their thoughts. The 7 is the Vibration that needs to find a base of faith they can believe in, or they can become cynical. While they work on the spiritual side of who they are, it actually helps them on a mental and physical level. Note: The water has a very calming effect on the 7. When the 7 is troubled, if they can get to the ocean or another body of water, they will start to feel better. Even just taking a warm bubble bath, hitting the pool or hot tub will bring some peace to the 7 Life Path.
The 8 Life Path
In my Numerology research, it is not uncommon for an 8 Life Path to have health issues early on that they need to overcome. It is important for the 8 to stay keenly aware of any health issues that may arise and nip it in the bud. Since the 8 Life Path is here to establish financial security, they can get so caught in their work, or taking care of family, that they may ignore the early physical symptoms that can become a real problem later on. For example, if their back hurts a little bit, and they ignore it, the back can go completely out at a later time. If something in their body doesn’t feel right, they should not let time pass before looking into it.
Note: It is not uncommon for the 8 Life Path to have lower back pain when they are feeling really stressed. I do give affirmations in my book to help them counteract that.
Additionally, the 8 can sometimes feel like the world is out to get them, and end up feeling very victimized. To pull them out of that slump, I suggest comedic movies that make them laugh, and music that makes them want to dance!
The 9 Life Path
The 9 Life Path is a very responsible Vibration, and they have a hard time asking for help, even when they really need it. They often believe that “If you loved me, you’d know what I need from you,” which is so often not the case. The other problem the 9 has is releasing the past. If their childhood was difficult, they often hang onto the pain, and that can lead to unhappiness. So the 9 Life Path must learn how to stay in the moment, and embrace today.
They must learn to ask for help when they need it. They tend to hold their stress in their shoulders and neck; I see this as symbolic because they carry “the weight of the world” on their shoulders. The 9 should regularly get a head and neck message if at all possible. That release will help them feel so much better. To save money, the 9 could invest in a head and neck massager they can operate by themselves. This will do wonders for the 9 Life Path.
I'm not saying that I believe every word of this and that I am now a strict Numerologist. I just thought it was neat. What do you think? Did your number accurately reflect your life? If so, what is your number and some examples that go along with the description? Did you enjoy reading about your Life Path, and possibly figuring out part of what makes you tick? I hope this was fun, and if nothing else, it can serve as a conversation starter over Thanksgiving! Have a Happy Thanksgiving weekend, and as always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Are You Sure You Like Me...?
I love and take care of a lot of high school girls. And like most girls that age, my girls are having issues with the boys in their lives. The troubles vary from person to person, but a common theme I've heard is that the guys flirt with them, but then cut them down. Now, this isn't flirtatious-teasing that goes on in most relationships; these are personal digs meant to belittle the person they are directed toward.
I consider myself a very independent person. So, when a guy that is trying to "talk" to me points out one of my actions that was not as independent as it could have been, I am taken aback. My jaw drops and I squint my eyes in the "I can't believe you just said that to me" look that I have mastered. I get defensive and lose interest in anything else that he has to say. So I can definitely understand what my girls are talking about.
One girl in particular, let's call her Brittany, has struggled with her body image. Like her Momma, (that would be me!) she is a thick girl [for the definition of being a thick girl, read my previous post "You Don't Get to Comment on My Body!"]. Since Brittany is in high school, she is not as comfortable with her beautiful body as she should be, but she is working on loving and feeling comfortable with herself. Brittany is courting this guy who knows that she isn't always content with how she looks, and usually things are A-Okay. There are times, though, when this guy will comment on how Brittany looks: "That shirt makes you look fat," or "You're looking a little chunky today. Did you have extra dessert last night?"
When I hear stories like this, personally, I want to drop-kick this punk. Being in a relationship of any kind, is about supporting and helping the other person. It's not about asserting yourself as the most powerful or the best. The relationship is give and take, back and forth, with love and support, not cutting one person down to make yourself look or feel better.
To me, it seems as if this is not the best start to a healthy relationship. In fact, it is nowhere near "best start," but closer to the neighborhood of "This feels hinky..." Sure Mr. Wonderful says all the right things most of the time, but when he says the wrong thing, it is completely wrong. This isn't the typical male "I can't say anything right" but a more serious version. This is where he says something that hurts you as a person. He makes you feel insecure and like a child, or like you are beneath him, in a relationship where you should feel like his equal. I see this as a way of asserting his dominance and power; that is a situation you do not want to be in. That will not end well for you, honey.
Maybe I've got it all wrong: maybe when guys say things like this, they are really just trying to impress us. They want us to know how well they are doing for themselves so that we will be more attracted to them. Maybe he thinks that he is flirting, but in reality has no idea how obnoxious he is acting, and how much we are starting to hate him. "Oh yeah, he's big and strong, and can do all these things. I love him! *Swoon* " Nope. That's not what we're thinking. It's more like, "Wow, What a jerk?!"
Like I said, maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe homeboy really is a good guy and just doesn't realize what he sounds like when saying these terrible things. Maybe he is just trying to impress you with how AMAZING he is. But you have to trust your gut on this. If you feel like things aren't going well, if you find yourself in similar situations and are uncomfortable with them, then get out. Cut your losses, dump the loser, and find a guy who appreciates all of who you are. One who builds you up instead of breaking you down.
I know that I and my girls can't be the only ones who have had these "Are you sure that you like me....?" thoughts and situations. So, what are some of your stories? Were you ever involved with a jerk, and if so, what did you do? From a guy's point of view, am I on the wrong track? Is there something in the Guy Code that explains this ridiculous behavior, and I've just missed it? As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say!
I consider myself a very independent person. So, when a guy that is trying to "talk" to me points out one of my actions that was not as independent as it could have been, I am taken aback. My jaw drops and I squint my eyes in the "I can't believe you just said that to me" look that I have mastered. I get defensive and lose interest in anything else that he has to say. So I can definitely understand what my girls are talking about.
One girl in particular, let's call her Brittany, has struggled with her body image. Like her Momma, (that would be me!) she is a thick girl [for the definition of being a thick girl, read my previous post "You Don't Get to Comment on My Body!"]. Since Brittany is in high school, she is not as comfortable with her beautiful body as she should be, but she is working on loving and feeling comfortable with herself. Brittany is courting this guy who knows that she isn't always content with how she looks, and usually things are A-Okay. There are times, though, when this guy will comment on how Brittany looks: "That shirt makes you look fat," or "You're looking a little chunky today. Did you have extra dessert last night?"
When I hear stories like this, personally, I want to drop-kick this punk. Being in a relationship of any kind, is about supporting and helping the other person. It's not about asserting yourself as the most powerful or the best. The relationship is give and take, back and forth, with love and support, not cutting one person down to make yourself look or feel better.
To me, it seems as if this is not the best start to a healthy relationship. In fact, it is nowhere near "best start," but closer to the neighborhood of "This feels hinky..." Sure Mr. Wonderful says all the right things most of the time, but when he says the wrong thing, it is completely wrong. This isn't the typical male "I can't say anything right" but a more serious version. This is where he says something that hurts you as a person. He makes you feel insecure and like a child, or like you are beneath him, in a relationship where you should feel like his equal. I see this as a way of asserting his dominance and power; that is a situation you do not want to be in. That will not end well for you, honey.
Maybe I've got it all wrong: maybe when guys say things like this, they are really just trying to impress us. They want us to know how well they are doing for themselves so that we will be more attracted to them. Maybe he thinks that he is flirting, but in reality has no idea how obnoxious he is acting, and how much we are starting to hate him. "Oh yeah, he's big and strong, and can do all these things. I love him! *Swoon* " Nope. That's not what we're thinking. It's more like, "Wow, What a jerk?!"
Like I said, maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe homeboy really is a good guy and just doesn't realize what he sounds like when saying these terrible things. Maybe he is just trying to impress you with how AMAZING he is. But you have to trust your gut on this. If you feel like things aren't going well, if you find yourself in similar situations and are uncomfortable with them, then get out. Cut your losses, dump the loser, and find a guy who appreciates all of who you are. One who builds you up instead of breaking you down.
I know that I and my girls can't be the only ones who have had these "Are you sure that you like me....?" thoughts and situations. So, what are some of your stories? Were you ever involved with a jerk, and if so, what did you do? From a guy's point of view, am I on the wrong track? Is there something in the Guy Code that explains this ridiculous behavior, and I've just missed it? As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
You Don't Get to Comment on My Body
I'm a little scatter-brained while writing this particular post, so bear with me. I may go off on random tangents, but the overall theme of today's post is that you shouldn't judge another person's body.
I am not a stick-figure girl. Trust me when I say that I am well aware of that; however, this does not mean that I am fat. A friend of mine once described me as THICK: curvy in all the right places. I have boobs, I have a butt, my thighs are thick, and I have a bit of a tummy. I'm okay with all of this. But that does not mean that you get are allowed to say anything about my features (especially in a negative way).
I don't care if you're a size 0 and think me and my size 12 self are too big to be shopping in a particular section. Keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it, and you really don't want to hear my response. (Yes, this has actually happened to me.)
It doesn't matter that you are one of the students I tutor. You can't say that you talked your best bro out of dating some chick because she was too big to handle, kind of like me. No. That is completely unacceptable.You say something like that to me, and I hope you fail your big test that we were working so hard on.
It makes no difference that you consider yourself a ladies-man when you waltz up to me and tell me that "I'm stretching out those jeans to the max, and you'd love to get a handful." Seriously? Seriously?! Has that line ever worked? What makes you think you could say something like that to me, and not walk away with at least an earful (and you're lucky if that's all you get.)
So my body type isn't the fashionable style. So I have trouble buying clothes because I'm not teeny tiny, nor am I huge (I'm that awkward in-between size). So what if you don't like the way I look. My body was not designed to fit your frame. I am a healthy, happy, beautiful, and confident woman. You don't have to like the way I look, but you do have to respect me.
I am not a stick-figure girl. Trust me when I say that I am well aware of that; however, this does not mean that I am fat. A friend of mine once described me as THICK: curvy in all the right places. I have boobs, I have a butt, my thighs are thick, and I have a bit of a tummy. I'm okay with all of this. But that does not mean that you get are allowed to say anything about my features (especially in a negative way).
I don't care if you're a size 0 and think me and my size 12 self are too big to be shopping in a particular section. Keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it, and you really don't want to hear my response. (Yes, this has actually happened to me.)
It doesn't matter that you are one of the students I tutor. You can't say that you talked your best bro out of dating some chick because she was too big to handle, kind of like me. No. That is completely unacceptable.You say something like that to me, and I hope you fail your big test that we were working so hard on.
It makes no difference that you consider yourself a ladies-man when you waltz up to me and tell me that "I'm stretching out those jeans to the max, and you'd love to get a handful." Seriously? Seriously?! Has that line ever worked? What makes you think you could say something like that to me, and not walk away with at least an earful (and you're lucky if that's all you get.)
So my body type isn't the fashionable style. So I have trouble buying clothes because I'm not teeny tiny, nor am I huge (I'm that awkward in-between size). So what if you don't like the way I look. My body was not designed to fit your frame. I am a healthy, happy, beautiful, and confident woman. You don't have to like the way I look, but you do have to respect me.
"We know how beautiful we are. Men know it too. It's the fashion houses that have to catch up."
Make no mistake, this rule of not judging a body applies to everyone. I will not comment on your body and try to tell you how to take care of yourself physically. On the contrary, I might get obnoxious when asking if you want another cookie, but that is just because I really like cookies and want everyone to enjoy them as much as I do. (There is one exception to this say-nothing rule: If I seriously think you have a disorder (such as anorexia, bulimia, etc...) I will mention something to you. I just want you to be healthy, no matter what size you are. If you think you have to starve yourself in order to be "beautiful" then there are issues that need to be addressed. And I would expect someone to do the same thing to me if they honest-to-goodness thought I had an eating disorder.)
Having this body type since I was 13 years old, I know from experience that it is not always easy to feel confident about yourself, especially when it concerns your physical appearance. For those ladies out there who feel self-conscious about the way they look, I am here to tell you that there is no reason for that. Kellie Pickler said it best in her song Don't You Know You're Beautiful with the lyrics "Now I know you'd give everything just to fit it/ but your worth aint on a pricetag/ it comes from within.. You are a beautiful person, no matter what the rest of the world says. I know that kids (and even society) can be ruthless when it comes to appearances; know that you are better than that. You don't have to fit their model of what makes someone attractive. As long as you have confidence in yourself, other people will see that and find you attractive because of your personality. Besides, there are far more women out there who are "Plus Size" than there are size 2s. Trust me when I say that having curves is not a bad thing. It is not hopeless. You may get frustrated when trying to find clothes that you fit you properly while in the department stores, but there are other places that cater to women with hourglass figures (such as www.pinupgirlclothing.com )
What do you all think? Am I being too defensive about my body? Should I welcome other people's criticisms and use them to improve myself? Should everyone try to fit into the societal view of stick-thin beauty? Did you have body-image issues when you were growing up? As always, let me know what you think about this post (not about my body, about this post...)
Make no mistake, this rule of not judging a body applies to everyone. I will not comment on your body and try to tell you how to take care of yourself physically. On the contrary, I might get obnoxious when asking if you want another cookie, but that is just because I really like cookies and want everyone to enjoy them as much as I do. (There is one exception to this say-nothing rule: If I seriously think you have a disorder (such as anorexia, bulimia, etc...) I will mention something to you. I just want you to be healthy, no matter what size you are. If you think you have to starve yourself in order to be "beautiful" then there are issues that need to be addressed. And I would expect someone to do the same thing to me if they honest-to-goodness thought I had an eating disorder.)
Having this body type since I was 13 years old, I know from experience that it is not always easy to feel confident about yourself, especially when it concerns your physical appearance. For those ladies out there who feel self-conscious about the way they look, I am here to tell you that there is no reason for that. Kellie Pickler said it best in her song Don't You Know You're Beautiful with the lyrics "Now I know you'd give everything just to fit it/ but your worth aint on a pricetag/ it comes from within.. You are a beautiful person, no matter what the rest of the world says. I know that kids (and even society) can be ruthless when it comes to appearances; know that you are better than that. You don't have to fit their model of what makes someone attractive. As long as you have confidence in yourself, other people will see that and find you attractive because of your personality. Besides, there are far more women out there who are "Plus Size" than there are size 2s. Trust me when I say that having curves is not a bad thing. It is not hopeless. You may get frustrated when trying to find clothes that you fit you properly while in the department stores, but there are other places that cater to women with hourglass figures (such as www.pinupgirlclothing.com )
What do you all think? Am I being too defensive about my body? Should I welcome other people's criticisms and use them to improve myself? Should everyone try to fit into the societal view of stick-thin beauty? Did you have body-image issues when you were growing up? As always, let me know what you think about this post (not about my body, about this post...)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)