Between Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Blogger, the other social media sites, and our habit-forming technology use, more people are spending a significant amount of time sitting around on computers. You keep searching pages on Pinterest, and coming up with different situations where you could use that really crafty idea; you browse your news-feed and wait for someone to message you on Facebook, hoping that they have an interesting story to tell you.
While I believe that all of these things are fine in their own time and in moderation, I also believe that we should be out in the world, actually living. Not counting how many "friends" we have on facebook, or how many wedding ideas we can get from Pinterest (even though half of the people doing this are still single...) Get out and live a little. Actually DO something.
A friend asked if I had plans on a weekday. I answered with something along the lines of, "No, no plans. Usually I just sit around the house and write, but that's about it." He said that if I already had plans to write that night, that it was no big deal, and that we could hang out some other time. Well that just seemed silly to me: how ridiculous would it have been for me to turn down the opportunity to hang out with a friend so that I could sit at home and stare at my computer? It would be absurd to not go out and have a little fun when given the chance, just to sit at home and find ways to embellish your life (or pretend that you have a life, for that matter).
We shouldn't be afraid to get out and expose ourselves to different situations. Get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. See what the world has to offer. Get into mischief sometimes. We shouldn't just sit in our safety box and maintain this mundane existence that we call life (especially at the mercy of a computer). Feel the sun on your skin, run against the wind, talk to random people you meet while walking down the street, get a black eye. I don't care what you do, just do something.
I have to include myself in all of this. I'm guilty of staying in my comfort zone, and not pushing my own boundaries. But I'm realizing more and more that there are so many more things I can do with my life, more that I need to experience. Right now I feel like I haven't done anything with my life, and like I need to be more brave. Not stupid, just brave and more outgoing. Luckily, a friend is willing to help me expand my horizons and get out of my shell now.
So grab a friend, or a sibling, or a stranger. Experience life with other people. Leave the technology behind for a while, and let other people show you how wonderful life can truly be. Don't sit around waiting for the good things to happen; go out looking for them, and try to make every experience a good one.
In the movie "Signs," the character Merrill Hess is a former baseball player: he has five minor-league home run records. But more importantly (for my purposes at least) he has another record; he also has the minor-league strikeout record.
"He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't
matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would
just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could." ~Lionel Prichard talking about Merrill's record.
To me, this is a great example of going out and living: he is out there, giving it his all, doing his best because just sitting around felt wrong.
So stop reading, get outside, and do something. Grab a friend and get into trouble together. Chase the stars, stay out past sunrise, and have an interesting story to tell someone. Don't Just Exist. Live.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Consider Your Audience
I can pretty much guarantee that every English teacher in the history of the world has touched on this subject. But that is only the case because it is such an important subject: consider your audience. It sounds simple enough, sure. But most people do not go into detail about how to consider your audience, and how to grab their attention. "You always want to engage your the person you're talking to. Make them want to listen to you." We've all heard that. But there are never real-world examples to go along with this message. Luckily, I'm here to help you out with your Talking-to-the-Audience needs.
First off, use a nice tone. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who is yelling at them. If you struggle with this, pretend that you are a receptionist at a major corporation, and talk to someone with the same tone and sense of respect that you would a customer. It also helps if you smile when you talk; it's really hard to have an angry-tone while smiling. (Go ahead, try.) Part of this nice tone means cutting back on the cussing. Not cussing at all would be ideal, but I understand that cuss words are just part of the vernacular in some places, so just be careful which words you use around certain people (such as kids). I'm a big girl, and I've heard my fair share of cussing (between dating a sailor and working with some rough characters, I've heard more than my fair share!), so it doesn't bother me when an occasional cuss word slips in, but having a string of pointless swear words in your statement seems asinine and like you are trying to sound more important than you really are. You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Trust me.
Next: maintain eye contact. Dr. Seuss said it best: "A person is a person, no matter how small."
No matter who you're talking to, look at them. Look directly in their eyes and speak to them. Your eyes should not wander behind the other person, trying to find something more interesting to look at. That's rude. If they are important enough to talk to, then they deserve the respect of being looked in the eyes. Also, don't scan their body; I know it's tempting sometimes to check out the person you're talking to, and for your eyes to rest on their best physical feature. That's rude, too. You may think it's a form of flattery to look a girl up and down, checking her body out, but I'm willing to bet that she wishes your eyes were focused on her eyes. The same goes for talking to guy: don't treat them like a piece of meat. If you're talking to them, look at them, see them as a person, and actually talk to them. Don't talk AT them while looking them over. (If they break eye contact for some reason, then it is acceptable to check them out, but when they turn back to you, you should be looking in their eyes.)
I know we live in a time when electronic devices rule the world, but nothing irritates me in the same way as having a conversation with someone and for them to start playing on their phone, or ipod or whatever. It doesn't matter what the device is, it matters that it is put away while talking to people. Whether you initiate the conversation, or someone starts talking to you makes no difference; you should put your music on pause, take a break from your "Words with Friends" game, let that text message wait until you are done talking. If someone takes the time to talk to you, then you should have the time to respect them and actually listen to what they are saying (as opposed to playing your online games and simply nodding your head when they take a break from talking). I understand if you have to take a phone call during a conversation, but once again, treat the person you're talking to with some respect: tell them that you have to take this phone call, apologize, take a step back from there so that you aren't having a different conversation in their face, get off the phone as soon as possible, and then resume the conversation you were having prior to the phone ringing.
Some of you want to argue with me on this point, saying that you are a wonderful multi-tasker, and can do all these different things while still paying attention to the person you're talking to. My response: It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're the best multi-tasker in the world, I still think it's rude to put meaningless objects, especially technology, ahead of people, especially those standing in front of you vying for your attention. Just put your phone down and have a face-to-face conversation. Odds are it will do you good.
These may seem like simple tips, but you would be surprised at how many people don't follow these basic rules.Children, teenagers, and adults alike are guilty of disregarding these common-courtesy rules. I promise that if one person follows all of these rules, the conversation will improve at least 20%. Imagine how much things would improve if everyone involved in the conversation were to follow all these tips.Trust me when I say that by following these rules, people will be more interested in what you have to say. So what do you think about these helpful hints? Do you think most people abide by these rules, or should they take a trip to Courtesy Class and learn how to follow these guidelines? Do you think these three simple tips are sufficient, or are there other rules that need enforcing? Are you guilty of abandoning these rules of courtesy in favor of multitasking? Let me know what you think.
First off, use a nice tone. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who is yelling at them. If you struggle with this, pretend that you are a receptionist at a major corporation, and talk to someone with the same tone and sense of respect that you would a customer. It also helps if you smile when you talk; it's really hard to have an angry-tone while smiling. (Go ahead, try.) Part of this nice tone means cutting back on the cussing. Not cussing at all would be ideal, but I understand that cuss words are just part of the vernacular in some places, so just be careful which words you use around certain people (such as kids). I'm a big girl, and I've heard my fair share of cussing (between dating a sailor and working with some rough characters, I've heard more than my fair share!), so it doesn't bother me when an occasional cuss word slips in, but having a string of pointless swear words in your statement seems asinine and like you are trying to sound more important than you really are. You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Trust me.
Next: maintain eye contact. Dr. Seuss said it best: "A person is a person, no matter how small."
No matter who you're talking to, look at them. Look directly in their eyes and speak to them. Your eyes should not wander behind the other person, trying to find something more interesting to look at. That's rude. If they are important enough to talk to, then they deserve the respect of being looked in the eyes. Also, don't scan their body; I know it's tempting sometimes to check out the person you're talking to, and for your eyes to rest on their best physical feature. That's rude, too. You may think it's a form of flattery to look a girl up and down, checking her body out, but I'm willing to bet that she wishes your eyes were focused on her eyes. The same goes for talking to guy: don't treat them like a piece of meat. If you're talking to them, look at them, see them as a person, and actually talk to them. Don't talk AT them while looking them over. (If they break eye contact for some reason, then it is acceptable to check them out, but when they turn back to you, you should be looking in their eyes.)
I know we live in a time when electronic devices rule the world, but nothing irritates me in the same way as having a conversation with someone and for them to start playing on their phone, or ipod or whatever. It doesn't matter what the device is, it matters that it is put away while talking to people. Whether you initiate the conversation, or someone starts talking to you makes no difference; you should put your music on pause, take a break from your "Words with Friends" game, let that text message wait until you are done talking. If someone takes the time to talk to you, then you should have the time to respect them and actually listen to what they are saying (as opposed to playing your online games and simply nodding your head when they take a break from talking). I understand if you have to take a phone call during a conversation, but once again, treat the person you're talking to with some respect: tell them that you have to take this phone call, apologize, take a step back from there so that you aren't having a different conversation in their face, get off the phone as soon as possible, and then resume the conversation you were having prior to the phone ringing.
Some of you want to argue with me on this point, saying that you are a wonderful multi-tasker, and can do all these different things while still paying attention to the person you're talking to. My response: It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're the best multi-tasker in the world, I still think it's rude to put meaningless objects, especially technology, ahead of people, especially those standing in front of you vying for your attention. Just put your phone down and have a face-to-face conversation. Odds are it will do you good.
These may seem like simple tips, but you would be surprised at how many people don't follow these basic rules.Children, teenagers, and adults alike are guilty of disregarding these common-courtesy rules. I promise that if one person follows all of these rules, the conversation will improve at least 20%. Imagine how much things would improve if everyone involved in the conversation were to follow all these tips.Trust me when I say that by following these rules, people will be more interested in what you have to say. So what do you think about these helpful hints? Do you think most people abide by these rules, or should they take a trip to Courtesy Class and learn how to follow these guidelines? Do you think these three simple tips are sufficient, or are there other rules that need enforcing? Are you guilty of abandoning these rules of courtesy in favor of multitasking? Let me know what you think.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Cupid Has a Shotgun
Valentine's Day.
The Holiday of Love.
Singles Awareness Day.
I'm-Buying-You-the-Same-Gift-Every-Other-Guy-Buys-His-Girlfriend-to-Show-How-Much-He-Loves-Her-Day.
Yes, it's that time of year again. Those in love get to increase their public displays of affection, while those of us who are single try to avoid those couples. Chocolate boxes line the check-out counter at every grocery store. Stuffed animals that sing start popping up in commercials. Flowers that used to cost $9.95 only weeks ago are now $29.95.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I hate the thought of Valentine's Day, I've just never really taken part. Of course, when I was in elementary school I passed out little cards to the other students in class, but I've never had anyone to call My Valentine.
I think it's nice for people to have a day dedicated to making sure that their significant other knows how much they mean to the other person. I really do. Setting aside a day to dote upon your loved ones is not a bad thing in my book. I just think that the affection should be more personal than just handing your boyfriend/girlfriend a card and a stuffed bear that you picked up from the convenience store. Once again, I think that you should examine your relationship, and figure out what makes the other person really smile: whether it's a bouquet of wild flowers, 6 boxes of peach-ring candies, the latest James Bond movie, or a gift card to Lowes so that they can go buy the power tool that they really want, you should pay attention to the other person and show them that you pay attention, and that what they say is important to you. As long as you put a little effort into your gift, and you aren't simply giving a gift because you feel obligated to, then everything should be fine. No reason to flip out over how much to spend, or about getting the biggest teddy bear in the world; just be yourself, show them that you truly care about them, and you're sure to have a good Valentine's Day.
For those of you who are single: Fear not!
I know that Valentine's Day isn't a big thrill for those without a significant other; but there is no reason to completely dread this day. February 14 could be a day for you to show your friends how much you still care about them: get a big bag of candy and share it with everyone (no one wants to be left out on this day of love), make construction paper cards to pass out to people. Start your own Anti-Valentine's Day traditions with other single friends. For the past four years, I've gotten a group of friends together and we've gone out to see the latest action movie. One year it was Taken, Safe House, whatever. It didn't matter, as long as we weren't watching the Romance movie that all the couples were seeing. Our group laughed more than any of the couples we passed that day.
So don't be depressed because you don't have a Someone Special to share this holiday with. Be happy because you have friends that love you no matter what. Don't believe that just because you are single for this holiday that you will be single for the rest of your life. You'll find the person that you're meant to be with, it might just take a little longer than you would like. But being single is no reason to be miserable. So Perk Up! I've been single for 23 Valentine's Days, and I'm still a Romantic at heart.
While I didn't have my very own Valentine yesterday, I did receive a few sweet Valentine's Day messages (which is way more than I expected!). So I'd like to give a shout out to Ryan, Joshua, Westley, and David. You each had a unique message, but I was very honored that you thought of me. Thank you all, again.
So, what did you do for Valentine's Day? Were you one of the lucky one's with a date, or did you sit at home and eat a carton of ice cream? Do you agree that this holiday should be more personal, or do you like getting the standard Lovey-Dovey presents? As always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Everyone deserves to get at least one Valentine, so enjoy! (It's Raphael the Ninja Turtle dressed as Humphrey Bogart playing Rick Blaine in Casablanca wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day! What's not to love?!)
The Holiday of Love.
Singles Awareness Day.
I'm-Buying-You-the-Same-Gift-Every-Other-Guy-Buys-His-Girlfriend-to-Show-How-Much-He-Loves-Her-Day.
Yes, it's that time of year again. Those in love get to increase their public displays of affection, while those of us who are single try to avoid those couples. Chocolate boxes line the check-out counter at every grocery store. Stuffed animals that sing start popping up in commercials. Flowers that used to cost $9.95 only weeks ago are now $29.95.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I hate the thought of Valentine's Day, I've just never really taken part. Of course, when I was in elementary school I passed out little cards to the other students in class, but I've never had anyone to call My Valentine.
I think it's nice for people to have a day dedicated to making sure that their significant other knows how much they mean to the other person. I really do. Setting aside a day to dote upon your loved ones is not a bad thing in my book. I just think that the affection should be more personal than just handing your boyfriend/girlfriend a card and a stuffed bear that you picked up from the convenience store. Once again, I think that you should examine your relationship, and figure out what makes the other person really smile: whether it's a bouquet of wild flowers, 6 boxes of peach-ring candies, the latest James Bond movie, or a gift card to Lowes so that they can go buy the power tool that they really want, you should pay attention to the other person and show them that you pay attention, and that what they say is important to you. As long as you put a little effort into your gift, and you aren't simply giving a gift because you feel obligated to, then everything should be fine. No reason to flip out over how much to spend, or about getting the biggest teddy bear in the world; just be yourself, show them that you truly care about them, and you're sure to have a good Valentine's Day.
For those of you who are single: Fear not!
I know that Valentine's Day isn't a big thrill for those without a significant other; but there is no reason to completely dread this day. February 14 could be a day for you to show your friends how much you still care about them: get a big bag of candy and share it with everyone (no one wants to be left out on this day of love), make construction paper cards to pass out to people. Start your own Anti-Valentine's Day traditions with other single friends. For the past four years, I've gotten a group of friends together and we've gone out to see the latest action movie. One year it was Taken, Safe House, whatever. It didn't matter, as long as we weren't watching the Romance movie that all the couples were seeing. Our group laughed more than any of the couples we passed that day.
So don't be depressed because you don't have a Someone Special to share this holiday with. Be happy because you have friends that love you no matter what. Don't believe that just because you are single for this holiday that you will be single for the rest of your life. You'll find the person that you're meant to be with, it might just take a little longer than you would like. But being single is no reason to be miserable. So Perk Up! I've been single for 23 Valentine's Days, and I'm still a Romantic at heart.
While I didn't have my very own Valentine yesterday, I did receive a few sweet Valentine's Day messages (which is way more than I expected!). So I'd like to give a shout out to Ryan, Joshua, Westley, and David. You each had a unique message, but I was very honored that you thought of me. Thank you all, again.
So, what did you do for Valentine's Day? Were you one of the lucky one's with a date, or did you sit at home and eat a carton of ice cream? Do you agree that this holiday should be more personal, or do you like getting the standard Lovey-Dovey presents? As always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Everyone deserves to get at least one Valentine, so enjoy! (It's Raphael the Ninja Turtle dressed as Humphrey Bogart playing Rick Blaine in Casablanca wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day! What's not to love?!)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Stuck in the Middle With You
I've been told recently that I'm mediocre. A few people have said that.
My looks, my intelligence, my work ethic, my attitude, my life. Apparently everything about me is mediocre.
But I don't see it that way....
Granted, I'm not the Go-to-Extremes-Gal, but I would hardly say that I am mediocre. I don't have to jump out of an airplane once a week; when I get mad, I don't have to start cussing and fighting with everyone I see just to show how mad I really am. I don't have to get in your face and prove that I'm the best at something, nor do I have to completely tank something for it to be a failure. Now, this may seem like the definition of mediocre, but I see it differently.
I don't need to have the absolute best day ever, nor do I need to have the worst day ever. In this aspect, I see myself as Goldilocks. I like things to be Just Right. Not too cold and not too hot. Not to one extreme or the other, but sitting happily in the middle.
No one is a fan of the really terrible days. No one wants the worst possible scenarios to keep happening to them during the day. On the other hand, a majority of people would love to have extraordinary days every day. They want each day to be spectacular and to top the day before. Most people believe that if they haven't done something astonishing with their day, then the day was wasted. As usual, I'm not with the crowd on this. I think that just because you haven't done something outlandish with your day doesn't mean that your day was wasted. As I mentioned in the post "The Little Things Mean the Most," to me, life isn't about having all of these grand gestures. It's about the little things that add up.
I didn't rescue a kitten out of a tree. I didn't perform high-risk surgery on a patient and have everything turn out perfectly. I didn't write a chart-topping song and win 8 Grammy awards for it. I didn't come up with a cure for baldness. I didn't do any of these things today, but I did compliment a lady on her new hairstyle, and she told me that it made her day for me to notice. Knowing that I made an iota of a positive impact on someone's life means that I had a good day. It might have been a rough day otherwise, but for a moment, I knew that one person appreciated something I had done. It was a good day. So even though it was a rough day and had the potential to become an awful day, putting one positive spin into the mix made it a good day; it wasn't a great day, but it was a good day.
Perhaps I'm not as dramatic as a lot of people: I don't declare that the world is ending because of a snag in my day; I don't break down and cry at the drop of a hat. I have my bad days, but I look for at least one good thing that happened. I look for the cup of sunshine in the basin full of sorrows.
My Attitude:
While I don't believe the world to be puppies and rainbows, I also believe that not everything in life can be bad. I like to think that I have a realistic view on things: There are going to be good times as well as bad times. But the important part is that there are going to be good times. Odds are that something will go wrong in your life on a daily basis, but you should be sure to remember all the things that have gone right, also. I didn't find the love of my life while trapped in an elevator this afternoon, but the cute fireman who rescued us smiled at me. There's my silver lining.
My Work Ethic:
I happen to believe that I have an outstanding work ethic. I do my best to accomplish every task that I set before myself. My goals may not be as ambitious as other people's but if I plan to finish something, it gets done. As long as I am doing my absolute best on my task, then I am satisfied. I don't have to prove to you that I can do something harder, better, faster, or stronger than you can. If your goal in life is to beat me, then go ahead; however, that has nothing to do with what I want to accomplish, so I won't be participating in your little competition.
My Intelligence:
I know that I'm not the smartest person in the world. Not by a long shot. But I have a killer combination of common sense and book smarts. If I need to know something, but haven't the first clue about it, I will figure it out. I won't settle for not-knowing; I made the Dean's List for six semesters while in college, and earned my Bachelor's degree with honors. I didn't know most of the information taught, but I learned what was necessary to accomplish my goals. It took a lot of work, but I knew what I had to do, and I was able to work my way through it without giving up.
My Appearance:
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a size 0 girl; I am also not morbidly obese. I'm a thick girl, but I'm healthy. I don't always like what I see in the mirror, but I like who I am. I don't usually go out without a little makeup on, but I also don't leave the house looking like a drag queen because I'm so insecure with how I look. I use a few makeup tricks to enhance my looks, but I don't ever try to cover up what I truly look like. I know that I don't look like a supermodel, but I'm not ashamed to show my face out in public. I am happy with how I look. Just because you have to wear 8 pounds of makeup to go grocery shopping doesn't mean that the rest of us should be ashamed of what we look like. (See the post "You Don't Get to Comment on My Body" for more on this topic.)
My Life:
I know that my life seems boring to some people. They mock the fact that I would rather stay home and build a fort to watch movies in than to go downtown and party the night away. But the truth is, I like my life. I like staying at home in my comfy pants and having a bowl of ice cream. I like talking to my kids about how school was for them that day. I'd rather go to church on New Year's Eve than go bar-hopping. Sure, it's nice to get dressed up and go out every once in a while, but I'm content sitting at home talking to my best friend. It's my life. I don't need your approval, but I do require your respect.
Maybe you see my life as mediocre. And if you do, I suppose there is nothing I can do to change your mind. But I see my life through Goldilocks eyes. It's just right for me. I have my good stories. I have my bad stories. And then I have my awkward stories. But all of these combined are what have made me who I am. I don't go bungee jumping, I don't look for the next big thing to do. But I also don't sit around wondering why my life sucks. I like my life. I enjoy being able to sit around the dinner table telling stories about work, and then smiling because of something one of my kids said in response. I like knowing that I worked my hardest on a project, even if you think the project wasn't worth working on to begin with.
Maybe you see my life as mediocre. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just right. What do you think? Do you think I am just mediocre? Do you think I have an odd perspective about things? Do you think I should want to be more ambitious with my life, or do you think there is nothing wrong with my system? Like I said, I know I'm the best (nor the worst) at anything. But I generally like where I am in life. As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
My looks, my intelligence, my work ethic, my attitude, my life. Apparently everything about me is mediocre.
But I don't see it that way....
Granted, I'm not the Go-to-Extremes-Gal, but I would hardly say that I am mediocre. I don't have to jump out of an airplane once a week; when I get mad, I don't have to start cussing and fighting with everyone I see just to show how mad I really am. I don't have to get in your face and prove that I'm the best at something, nor do I have to completely tank something for it to be a failure. Now, this may seem like the definition of mediocre, but I see it differently.
I don't need to have the absolute best day ever, nor do I need to have the worst day ever. In this aspect, I see myself as Goldilocks. I like things to be Just Right. Not too cold and not too hot. Not to one extreme or the other, but sitting happily in the middle.
No one is a fan of the really terrible days. No one wants the worst possible scenarios to keep happening to them during the day. On the other hand, a majority of people would love to have extraordinary days every day. They want each day to be spectacular and to top the day before. Most people believe that if they haven't done something astonishing with their day, then the day was wasted. As usual, I'm not with the crowd on this. I think that just because you haven't done something outlandish with your day doesn't mean that your day was wasted. As I mentioned in the post "The Little Things Mean the Most," to me, life isn't about having all of these grand gestures. It's about the little things that add up.
I didn't rescue a kitten out of a tree. I didn't perform high-risk surgery on a patient and have everything turn out perfectly. I didn't write a chart-topping song and win 8 Grammy awards for it. I didn't come up with a cure for baldness. I didn't do any of these things today, but I did compliment a lady on her new hairstyle, and she told me that it made her day for me to notice. Knowing that I made an iota of a positive impact on someone's life means that I had a good day. It might have been a rough day otherwise, but for a moment, I knew that one person appreciated something I had done. It was a good day. So even though it was a rough day and had the potential to become an awful day, putting one positive spin into the mix made it a good day; it wasn't a great day, but it was a good day.
Perhaps I'm not as dramatic as a lot of people: I don't declare that the world is ending because of a snag in my day; I don't break down and cry at the drop of a hat. I have my bad days, but I look for at least one good thing that happened. I look for the cup of sunshine in the basin full of sorrows.
My Attitude:
While I don't believe the world to be puppies and rainbows, I also believe that not everything in life can be bad. I like to think that I have a realistic view on things: There are going to be good times as well as bad times. But the important part is that there are going to be good times. Odds are that something will go wrong in your life on a daily basis, but you should be sure to remember all the things that have gone right, also. I didn't find the love of my life while trapped in an elevator this afternoon, but the cute fireman who rescued us smiled at me. There's my silver lining.
My Work Ethic:
I happen to believe that I have an outstanding work ethic. I do my best to accomplish every task that I set before myself. My goals may not be as ambitious as other people's but if I plan to finish something, it gets done. As long as I am doing my absolute best on my task, then I am satisfied. I don't have to prove to you that I can do something harder, better, faster, or stronger than you can. If your goal in life is to beat me, then go ahead; however, that has nothing to do with what I want to accomplish, so I won't be participating in your little competition.
My Intelligence:
I know that I'm not the smartest person in the world. Not by a long shot. But I have a killer combination of common sense and book smarts. If I need to know something, but haven't the first clue about it, I will figure it out. I won't settle for not-knowing; I made the Dean's List for six semesters while in college, and earned my Bachelor's degree with honors. I didn't know most of the information taught, but I learned what was necessary to accomplish my goals. It took a lot of work, but I knew what I had to do, and I was able to work my way through it without giving up.
My Appearance:
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a size 0 girl; I am also not morbidly obese. I'm a thick girl, but I'm healthy. I don't always like what I see in the mirror, but I like who I am. I don't usually go out without a little makeup on, but I also don't leave the house looking like a drag queen because I'm so insecure with how I look. I use a few makeup tricks to enhance my looks, but I don't ever try to cover up what I truly look like. I know that I don't look like a supermodel, but I'm not ashamed to show my face out in public. I am happy with how I look. Just because you have to wear 8 pounds of makeup to go grocery shopping doesn't mean that the rest of us should be ashamed of what we look like. (See the post "You Don't Get to Comment on My Body" for more on this topic.)
My Life:
I know that my life seems boring to some people. They mock the fact that I would rather stay home and build a fort to watch movies in than to go downtown and party the night away. But the truth is, I like my life. I like staying at home in my comfy pants and having a bowl of ice cream. I like talking to my kids about how school was for them that day. I'd rather go to church on New Year's Eve than go bar-hopping. Sure, it's nice to get dressed up and go out every once in a while, but I'm content sitting at home talking to my best friend. It's my life. I don't need your approval, but I do require your respect.
Maybe you see my life as mediocre. And if you do, I suppose there is nothing I can do to change your mind. But I see my life through Goldilocks eyes. It's just right for me. I have my good stories. I have my bad stories. And then I have my awkward stories. But all of these combined are what have made me who I am. I don't go bungee jumping, I don't look for the next big thing to do. But I also don't sit around wondering why my life sucks. I like my life. I enjoy being able to sit around the dinner table telling stories about work, and then smiling because of something one of my kids said in response. I like knowing that I worked my hardest on a project, even if you think the project wasn't worth working on to begin with.
Maybe you see my life as mediocre. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just right. What do you think? Do you think I am just mediocre? Do you think I have an odd perspective about things? Do you think I should want to be more ambitious with my life, or do you think there is nothing wrong with my system? Like I said, I know I'm the best (nor the worst) at anything. But I generally like where I am in life. As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Apparently I Have a Temper...
It has come to my attention that I have a bit of a temper...Who knew?!
But I don't just lose my cool at the drop of a hat. As with most things in my life, I have a unique sort of temper.
Normally, I'm the nicest person you will ever meet. I greet everyone with a smile and a friendly "Hi, how are you?" I genuinely care about other people and their lives. I'm light-hearted and good-humored. Even when people make off-color jokes about me, or give me left-handed compliments, I generally take them with a grain of salt and go on with my day. I try to believe the best in people, no matter what.
While I forgive these minor indiscretions, I do not forget them.I keep a mental tally of how many times and what type of follies you have committed against me. They simmer in the back of my mind until I either forget about them, or until you push me past my boiling point. It does take quite a while for me to the point where I blow my lid, but once I get to that point I don't calm down easily.I'm riled up and flooded with the thoughts of everything you've ever done to make me mad, and my anger only intensifies. As I mentioned before, it usually takes me a long time to get to this point of anger, but when I finally do, I erupt.
Even as a kid, this was my anger-style. Take, for example, a typical argument between me and my sister: when we would fight, it took me quite a bit longer to get mad than it did her. She got mad at the drop of a hat. Naturally, with her anger-style, I escalated and got mad quicker with her yelling at me; therefore, once one of us was good and mad, it didn't take too much longer for the other one to get mad and for the fight to get really interesting. As usually happens with sisters fighting, neither of us would want to compromise our stance, and we would eventually have to walk away from the fight. Here's where the difference occurs: a half hour after we ended the fight, my sister was calmed down, ready to talk to me as if nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, was still fired up hours after the argument. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to be in the same room as her. Nothing. I was still too mad to deal with being around her. It's not because she had done anything since the fight to make me mad again, it's just that I was still mad about whatever caused the fight to begin with.
This trend continues into my adult fighting style: little things will irk me, something will dig at me, or somebody will do something to make me clench my jaw. But I keep all of it bottled up inside until I absolutely can't stand it anymore. I don't say anything about the little infractions, but once I've reached my limit I'm done. My face gets red, my voice gets loud and my tone is pointed, and I do the stereotypical black-girl head bob. Trust me when I say that it's not a pretty sight. Ava Gardner said it best: “When I lose my temper, honey, you can't find it any place.”
Now, I've explained my style and how long it takes me lose my cool. But that only applies when people are directing things towards me. So, if you're bad-mouthing me, putting me down, and pushing my buttons, personally, it will take a little while before I reach my breaking point; however, if I see people picking on others, in any way, that makes my temper flare up immediately. I can't stand to see a person being picked on because they are deemed "weaker" than those around them. I've never been able to handle just standing by while a group of "stronger people" terrorize someone. That sets me off quicker than anything else. When I see someone being picked on, my defensive mode kicks on. I stand up for the victim, protect them, and do my best to put the bullies in their place. As long as it takes me to get fighting mad when dealing with my own problems, it's just a matter of seconds for my temper to get going on someone else's behalf.
At one of my jobs, I've been struggling to keep my temper in check concerning both of these issues.
I work in a very difficult job. I won't get into the details here, but it is one of the hardest jobs I could ever find. Everyone I know tried talking me out of taking this job because it is so demanding and frustrating. Despite their pleas, I took this distressing job; yes, I knew what I was getting into, and yes, I knew it would be beyond hard, but I also knew that I had bills to pay and that I couldn't afford to be picky about a job. So I took this very stressful job. And normally I can keep my cool. There are some days, however, that put my patience to the test. I am being personally attacked, and I see other people that are being hurt and picked on. Normally, I know how to handle both of these situations. But this sort combination doesn't make matters any better. I can still defend those who need help, but not to the same degree that I would outside of work. I can't just let me temper fly and not worry about what the bystanders will think or say. I have to maintain a professional status. This conflict between doing what I want to do, and what I am able to do while at work is causing my blood pressure to rise. I can literally feel myself tensing up, my jaw tightens and stays clenched the rest of the day. I deal with these rough situations the best I can while still maintaining a sense of tact. But I'm not happy about it; I don't feel like I've done enough to help the situation and make it better. Maybe this sort of thing doesn't bother other people, but it drives me up the wall. I have an innate need to help, and to protect (maybe it's my "Momma" tendencies).
I feel like I'm talking in circles, but that's basically how I feel: like I'm going in circles and I can't do enough to make everything better. I just get frustrated and flustered, and then I realize that I haven't changed anything, and then I become despondent.
There isn't a happy ending to this particular post. I know that I have a temper, and normally I can deal with it just fine (in my own way, of course). But I haven't been able to deal with a lot of the situations that I've been thrown into lately. Normally, I get sassy, I embody my grandma and my great-granny (hence my family calling me "Little Wyonetta Dale") and I give them "Down the Road" like a true Southern woman. But I haven't been able to become "Little Highfly" recently, and I just don't know what to do with myself.
What do you think? Is it weird for me to keep my emotions bottled up until I explode? Should I find an outlet for my temper, something more productive maybe? How do you react when you get angry? What would you do if you became this angry while at work? How would you react? As always, I look forward to what you have to say.
But I don't just lose my cool at the drop of a hat. As with most things in my life, I have a unique sort of temper.
Normally, I'm the nicest person you will ever meet. I greet everyone with a smile and a friendly "Hi, how are you?" I genuinely care about other people and their lives. I'm light-hearted and good-humored. Even when people make off-color jokes about me, or give me left-handed compliments, I generally take them with a grain of salt and go on with my day. I try to believe the best in people, no matter what.
While I forgive these minor indiscretions, I do not forget them.I keep a mental tally of how many times and what type of follies you have committed against me. They simmer in the back of my mind until I either forget about them, or until you push me past my boiling point. It does take quite a while for me to the point where I blow my lid, but once I get to that point I don't calm down easily.I'm riled up and flooded with the thoughts of everything you've ever done to make me mad, and my anger only intensifies. As I mentioned before, it usually takes me a long time to get to this point of anger, but when I finally do, I erupt.
Even as a kid, this was my anger-style. Take, for example, a typical argument between me and my sister: when we would fight, it took me quite a bit longer to get mad than it did her. She got mad at the drop of a hat. Naturally, with her anger-style, I escalated and got mad quicker with her yelling at me; therefore, once one of us was good and mad, it didn't take too much longer for the other one to get mad and for the fight to get really interesting. As usually happens with sisters fighting, neither of us would want to compromise our stance, and we would eventually have to walk away from the fight. Here's where the difference occurs: a half hour after we ended the fight, my sister was calmed down, ready to talk to me as if nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, was still fired up hours after the argument. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to be in the same room as her. Nothing. I was still too mad to deal with being around her. It's not because she had done anything since the fight to make me mad again, it's just that I was still mad about whatever caused the fight to begin with.
This trend continues into my adult fighting style: little things will irk me, something will dig at me, or somebody will do something to make me clench my jaw. But I keep all of it bottled up inside until I absolutely can't stand it anymore. I don't say anything about the little infractions, but once I've reached my limit I'm done. My face gets red, my voice gets loud and my tone is pointed, and I do the stereotypical black-girl head bob. Trust me when I say that it's not a pretty sight. Ava Gardner said it best: “When I lose my temper, honey, you can't find it any place.”
Now, I've explained my style and how long it takes me lose my cool. But that only applies when people are directing things towards me. So, if you're bad-mouthing me, putting me down, and pushing my buttons, personally, it will take a little while before I reach my breaking point; however, if I see people picking on others, in any way, that makes my temper flare up immediately. I can't stand to see a person being picked on because they are deemed "weaker" than those around them. I've never been able to handle just standing by while a group of "stronger people" terrorize someone. That sets me off quicker than anything else. When I see someone being picked on, my defensive mode kicks on. I stand up for the victim, protect them, and do my best to put the bullies in their place. As long as it takes me to get fighting mad when dealing with my own problems, it's just a matter of seconds for my temper to get going on someone else's behalf.
At one of my jobs, I've been struggling to keep my temper in check concerning both of these issues.
I work in a very difficult job. I won't get into the details here, but it is one of the hardest jobs I could ever find. Everyone I know tried talking me out of taking this job because it is so demanding and frustrating. Despite their pleas, I took this distressing job; yes, I knew what I was getting into, and yes, I knew it would be beyond hard, but I also knew that I had bills to pay and that I couldn't afford to be picky about a job. So I took this very stressful job. And normally I can keep my cool. There are some days, however, that put my patience to the test. I am being personally attacked, and I see other people that are being hurt and picked on. Normally, I know how to handle both of these situations. But this sort combination doesn't make matters any better. I can still defend those who need help, but not to the same degree that I would outside of work. I can't just let me temper fly and not worry about what the bystanders will think or say. I have to maintain a professional status. This conflict between doing what I want to do, and what I am able to do while at work is causing my blood pressure to rise. I can literally feel myself tensing up, my jaw tightens and stays clenched the rest of the day. I deal with these rough situations the best I can while still maintaining a sense of tact. But I'm not happy about it; I don't feel like I've done enough to help the situation and make it better. Maybe this sort of thing doesn't bother other people, but it drives me up the wall. I have an innate need to help, and to protect (maybe it's my "Momma" tendencies).
I feel like I'm talking in circles, but that's basically how I feel: like I'm going in circles and I can't do enough to make everything better. I just get frustrated and flustered, and then I realize that I haven't changed anything, and then I become despondent.
There isn't a happy ending to this particular post. I know that I have a temper, and normally I can deal with it just fine (in my own way, of course). But I haven't been able to deal with a lot of the situations that I've been thrown into lately. Normally, I get sassy, I embody my grandma and my great-granny (hence my family calling me "Little Wyonetta Dale") and I give them "Down the Road" like a true Southern woman. But I haven't been able to become "Little Highfly" recently, and I just don't know what to do with myself.
What do you think? Is it weird for me to keep my emotions bottled up until I explode? Should I find an outlet for my temper, something more productive maybe? How do you react when you get angry? What would you do if you became this angry while at work? How would you react? As always, I look forward to what you have to say.
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