Apparently I Have a Temper...

It has come to my attention that I have a bit of a temper...Who knew?!
But I don't just lose my cool at the drop of a hat. As with most things in my life, I have a unique sort of temper.

Normally, I'm the nicest person you will ever meet. I greet everyone with a smile and a friendly "Hi, how are you?" I genuinely care about other people and their lives. I'm light-hearted and good-humored. Even when people make off-color jokes about me, or give me left-handed compliments, I generally take them with a grain of salt and go on with my day. I try to believe the best in people, no matter what.

While I forgive these minor indiscretions, I do not forget them.I keep a mental tally of how many times and what type of follies you have committed against me. They simmer in the back of my mind until I either forget about them, or until you push me past my boiling point. It does take quite a while for me to the point where I blow my lid, but once I get to that point I don't calm down easily.I'm riled up and flooded with the thoughts of everything you've ever done to make me mad, and my anger only intensifies. As I mentioned before, it usually takes me a long time to get to this point of anger, but when I finally do, I erupt.

Even as a kid, this was my anger-style. Take, for example, a typical argument between me and my sister: when we would fight, it took me quite a bit longer to get mad than it did her. She got mad at the drop of a hat. Naturally, with her anger-style, I escalated and got mad quicker with her yelling at me; therefore, once one of us was good and mad, it didn't take too much longer for the other one to get mad and for the fight to get really interesting. As usually happens with sisters fighting, neither of us would want to compromise our stance, and we would eventually have to walk away from the fight. Here's where the difference occurs: a half hour after we ended the fight, my sister was calmed down, ready to talk to me as if nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, was still fired up hours after the argument. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to be in the same room as her. Nothing. I was still too mad to deal with being around her. It's not because she had done anything since the fight to make me mad again, it's just that I was still mad about whatever caused the fight to begin with.
This trend continues into my adult fighting style: little things will irk me, something will dig at me, or somebody will do something to make me clench my jaw. But I keep all of it bottled up inside until I absolutely can't stand it anymore. I don't say anything about the little infractions, but once I've reached my limit I'm done. My face gets red, my voice gets loud and my tone is pointed, and I do the stereotypical black-girl head bob. Trust me when I say that it's not a pretty sight. Ava Gardner said it best: “When I lose my temper, honey, you can't find it any place.”

Now, I've explained my style and how long it takes me lose my cool. But that only applies when people are directing things towards me. So, if you're bad-mouthing me, putting me down, and pushing my buttons, personally, it will take a little while before I reach my breaking point; however, if I see people picking on others, in any way, that makes my temper flare up immediately. I can't stand to see a person being picked on because they are deemed "weaker" than those around them.  I've never been able to handle just standing by while a group of "stronger people" terrorize someone. That sets me off quicker than anything else. When I see someone being picked on, my defensive mode kicks on. I stand up for the victim, protect them, and do my best to put the bullies in their place. As long as it takes me to get fighting mad when dealing with my own problems, it's just a matter of seconds for my temper to get going on someone else's behalf.

At one of my jobs, I've been struggling to keep my temper in check concerning both of these issues.
I work in a very difficult job. I won't get into the details here, but it is one of the hardest jobs I could ever find. Everyone I know tried talking me out of taking this job because it is so demanding and frustrating. Despite their pleas, I took this distressing job; yes, I knew what I was getting into, and yes, I knew it would be beyond hard, but I also knew that I had bills to pay and that I couldn't afford to be picky about a job. So I took this very stressful job. And normally I can keep my cool. There are some days, however, that put my patience to the test. I am being personally attacked, and I see other people that are being hurt and picked on. Normally, I know how to handle both of these situations. But this sort combination doesn't make matters any better. I can still defend those who need help, but not to the same degree that I would outside of work. I can't just let me temper fly and not worry about what the bystanders will think or say. I have to maintain a professional status. This conflict between doing what I want to do, and what I am able to do while at work is causing my blood pressure to rise. I can literally feel myself tensing up, my jaw tightens and stays clenched the rest of the day. I deal with these rough situations the best I can while still maintaining a sense of tact. But I'm not happy about it; I don't feel like I've done enough to help the situation and make it better. Maybe this sort of thing doesn't bother other people, but it drives me up the wall. I have an innate need to help, and to protect (maybe it's my "Momma" tendencies).
I feel like I'm talking in circles, but that's basically how I feel: like I'm going in circles and I can't do enough to make everything better. I just get frustrated and flustered, and then I realize that I haven't changed anything, and then I become despondent.

There isn't a happy ending to this particular post. I know that I have a temper, and normally I can deal with it just fine (in my own way, of course). But I haven't been able to deal with a lot of the situations that I've been thrown into lately. Normally, I get sassy, I embody my grandma and my great-granny (hence my family calling me "Little Wyonetta Dale") and I give them "Down the Road" like a true Southern woman. But I haven't been able to become "Little Highfly" recently, and I just don't know what to do with myself.

What do you think? Is it weird for me to keep my emotions bottled up until I explode? Should I find an outlet for my temper, something more productive maybe? How do you react when you get angry? What would you do if you became this angry while at work? How would you react? As always, I look forward to what you have to say.