My Inner Beatnik

Sherman Alexie once said that "Poetry = Anger x Imagination."
 To me, this means that you have to have an emotional reaction to something to create, or even understand, poetry. Whether it's anger, love, depression, despondence, or confidence doesn't matter. To be able to create poetry, you NEED to have a strong emotional reaction. If the writer has that strong reaction, the reader will have a strong emotional connection. (The reader may not have the same reaction that the writer had, but that's part of the beauty of poetry: it's open to personal interpretation. "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become." ~Dr. Seuss, The Lorax)


Two of my favorite poets are Edgar Allen Poe and Dr. Seuss. (Yes, I know this is an odd combination, but they always make me feel something.)
My friends and UB kids make fun of me because I can quote the first four pages of "Horton Hatches the Egg," complete with character voices; I enjoy it that much.  Maybe you just see his writings as children's books, but they can be so much more than that.
In sixth grade we had to read poems. I had read a few of Edgar Allen Poe's work, but that was the first time that I'd ever heard "Annabel Lee." I instantly fell in love. This heart-breaking story of young lovers being torn apart by tragic death tears me apart. I made up a simple melody to fit the words of this poem, and I sing it anytime I'm feeling down.

ANNABEL LEE
By Edgar Allen Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
 In a kingdom by the sea.
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
of the name of ANNABEL LEE.
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
than to love and be loved by me

I was a child and she was a child
 in this kingdom by the sea.
But we loved with a love that was more than a love,
 I and my ANNABEL LEE.
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
 coveted her and me. 

And this was the reason that, long ago,
 in the kingdom by the sea,
a wind blew out of cloud chilling
my beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
So that her highborn kinsman came
and bore her away from me
 to shut her up in a sepulcher
in this kingdom by the sea. 

The angels not half so happy in heaven,
went envying her and me.

 Yes, that was the reason, as all men know,
 in this kingdom by the sea,
that the wind came out of the cloud by night,
 chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE. 

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
 of those who were older than we.
Of many far wiser than we.
And neither the angels in heaven above,
 nor the demons down under the sea,
can ever dissever my soul from the soul
 of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE. 

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
 of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
 And so, all the night-tide,
 I lie down by the side,
 of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride.
 In the sepulcher there by the sea,
 in her tomb by the sounding sea. 


You don't have to like every bit of poetry that you read. You don't have to like any of it. But I think you should at least experience it. Really let yourself experience it and see if it stirs any emotions inside of you. Read simple poetry. Read poetry that requires the use of a dictionary to understand. Listen to spoken poetry ("If I Should Have a Daughter" by Sarah Kay, or anything by Shane Koyczan (fair warning: he cusses in some of his work, so don't listen if you would be offended by this.))  Get excited, get angry. Laugh, cry. Do something. 

Who's in Charge Around Here?!

In this crazy messed up world that we live in, we all have to make decisions. Be them good, bad or indifferent, we all make choices. But how do we make up our minds about which choice to make? Some people are analytical and use their mind to reason things out; others go with their gut and what emotions tell them.

MIND ONLY
Those who rely solely on their minds are usually methodical in everything they do: they plan and organize, they have trouble being spontaneous, and they force themselves to be rational about all situations. They play a game of chess in their minds to figure out how one situation will impact the rest of their lives.These are the people that take ten years to buy a couch because they want to be absolutely positive that they are making the right choice. Dr. Gregory House, of the show "House" could be described as a "mind-only" decision maker. He makes decisions based on how rational the options are, and openly mocks those who believe or act illogically.

HEART ONLY
Those who listen to only what their heart tells them are impulsive: they make snap decisions (which can be good or bad, depending on the mood they're in), are more adventurous, and tend to jump into situations without knowing what kind of consequences their actions could lead to. These are the people that think up a scheme and act on it immediately. In the movie "Single White Female" Allie acts based on her emotions at the time. Doing so, she becomes roommates with a psychopath who tries to kill her. Granted, no one really thinks something like this will happen to them, but if Allie had taken some time to calm down, she would have gotten back together with her boyfriend and not needed a roommate (crazy or not) in the first place.

COMBINATION
There are several philosophers who could argue for each of the above methods, but I prefer using a combination. I would rather use both my heart and my head in the decision-making process instead of going to either extreme. If I use only my heart and emotions, then I would make snap-decisions and have a lot of regrets. On the other hand, if I my mind to reason out every action, then I would be consumed with "If I did this, what would happen..." thoughts and would lose relationships with the people I love. Combining these methods allows a person to take into consideration the consequences of the his or her actions, while also factoring in the human-element of how that makes you feel.

Scenario 1: While shopping, I find a dress that flatters me and makes me feel pretty, but notice that it is out of my budget.
Mind Only: I don't need new clothes. I already own clothes. That fulfills the social requirement, therefore there is no need to purchase any additional items of clothing.
Heart Only: This dress is so pretty! I want it! I'll get it. (*When it's the end of the month and I can't buy food because I spent my grocery money on this dress then I will just wallow in my emotions and regret.)
Combination: I really like this dress, but I can't afford it right now. I'll wait for it to go on clearance, and then buy it.

Scenario 2: A man with a moral compass that points to a different direction than mine asks me out on a date.
Mind Only: The choices this man has made are irrational; they are based on fallacies. He will not be a benefit to my life in any way, so I will not accept his invitation.
Heart Only: Wow, he's handsome! I definitely want to date him! (Later when we argue about any given topic, I will fly off the handle and let all of my negative and angry emotions out.)
Combination: I acknowledge that we have our differences, but agree to go on the date. I notice the oddities that would make it hard to build a relationship, so I break things off, even though I still think he is really cute.


I could go on with different examples of what would happen if you used just your mind, just your heart, or a combination of these two to make decisions, but I think you get my point. Maybe it just works out better for me this way. Maybe you are perfectly content with going on just-emotions, or just-reason. But I can't see myself being happy or comfortable with a decision I made based on Mind only, or by Heart only. I think you have to take a little bit from both sides. What do you think? How do you make decisions? Do you change the way you make decisions based on which method gives you the outcome you want? As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Go Against the Grain

I hate conflict. Hearing people fight makes me feel anxious. Growing up, seeing my brother or sister getting in trouble made me so nervous that I had to leave the room. Simply observing these encounters, it's almost as if I'm the one in the fight. Usually, I would much rather go with the flow and have everyone get along.
However, there are those occasions where it is better to go against the grain. (Notice: I'm not saying that you should be a mindless, crowd-following zombie. I'm just saying that there is no need to start a fight over petty issues.)

At work recently, I heard a group of co-workers having a discussion during lunch. It wasn't a hot-button issue (like abortion, gay marriage, or anything like that), but I was curious to see how a few people responded. I knew what some of them had told me in one-on-one conversations, but I hadn't had a chance to talk to others about their point of view and was genuinely curious about their responses. To my surprise, everyone agreed with the person who started this conversation. That seemed odd to me, considering what those people told me in our personal conversations, but I just continued to listen. Finally, there was one man who stated that he had a conflicting opinion. The group looked at him strangely at first, as if to say "How Dare You Not Agree With What Everyone Else Has Said," but eventually relaxed their posture and let him explain his view. After listening to his reasoning, a handful of people bit their bottom lips in nervousness and admitted that they had thought the same things. One man having the courage to stand up for himself and his way of thinking gave other people the guts to do the same thing.

One of my kids, James, has talked to me about a problem he's having with a few of his friends. I'm not giving out details here, but the gist of things is that he doesn't agree with the way that his friends are acting. These kids have been friends for a long time, and James doesn't want to lose any of them; however, he is torn between keeping these friends and acting in the way that he knows is right. After taking a few days to consider his options, James came to me with his decision: he is going to stand up for what he knows is right. If these people are really his friends, they will accept that he is doing something differently than they are, but will still accept him. If they don't accept his actions, then he didn't need them as friends anyway. Why would you want someone in your life who was negative about your choices and made you feel bad about your actions? You don't need "friends" who make everything around you toxic. You are better off without them. And odds are that you will be a better person without them around.

Situation like this don't just happen during adolescence; people will try to tell you what to do, or what you aren't allowed to do, your entire life. Parents, teachers, bosses, friends, strangers. There are a lot of people who think they know what is best for you, and that you should follow their every word. Sure, these people might have some good suggestions, but you have to decide for yourself who you are, and what you need to do with your life. If you let others dictate your life, are you really being yourself? Or are you being what other people want you to be? Maybe you're fine with following the directions that others have laid out for you, and if that's the case, then good for you. If that's your system, enjoy it. However, that would drive me bonkers. I appreciate that there are people out there who want to help me, and only want what is best for me; however, some of the "advice" they peddle isn't right for me. Whatever you decide (following every order, taking advice with a grain of salt,or rebelling against what everyone tells you), just make sure that you are being true to yourself.

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the heck you were gonna do anyway.”
                                          ~Robert Downey Jr.

Going Through the Motions

I have been completely swamped this week. I couldn't think of a topic to write about, and even if I had, I haven't had the time to write it up to my standards.
BUT...instead of not posting anything this week, I decided to post song lyrics that have some of the same emotions I've been experiencing lately.


Buffy: Every single night, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart

I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing
Henchman She ain't got that swing
Buffy......Thanks for noticing

Demon and Henchmen She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow
She's not even half the girl she...ow..
Buffy Will I stay this way forever,
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor
Handsome Man Buffy Rescued How can I repay....
Buffy Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be alive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt7CfNO8Xdk


Yes this is the opening song from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More With Feeling," but I feel like knowing this only gives you more insight to my personality. So, am I the only one who feels this way; am I the only person who feels like she is simply going through the motions of her life?
As always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.