I Love You, But Don't Touch Me...

I get along with most everyone. I'm friends with people who call themselves Goths, as well as Preppy kids, and everyone in between. And I care for all of them. However, I show my affection in more of a verbal way: I compliment them, tell them how wonderful they are, how great they look, how amazing their laugh is, stuff like that. I'm not a hugger.

To be honest, hugging is weird for me.
I was never big on giving out hugs in the first place, but when I got a little older hugs made me really uncomfortable. When guys would hug me, more often than not, they would try get handsy, and I was not okay with that. And when hugging another female, our chests were at the same level, so there was lots of (for lack of a better word) smooshing going on, and once again, I was not comfortable with that. So I just started avoiding hugs.

 
Like my Papa, when a hug is needed, I usually give one-armed, to-the-side hugs. This way the other person still gets their physical affection, but I don't have to compromise my personal space bubble. Even with my closest family, I don't give big bear hugs.


Now, I've gotten better about giving hugs; I've learned how to hug without relinquishing my comfort. I still use the one-armed hug when someone needs a hug but I'm still hesitant to step out of my bubble. I give two-armed, but not tight hugs to friends. Two-armed, tight hugs are reserved for my family, best friends and kids. There are even a few people who pick me up and spin me around when hugging because I'm so comfortable with them (but those people are truly unique and have known me for a LONG time. So, for your own safety, don't try that.)


So maybe I'm a little weird when it comes to hugging and showing physical affection. But there is something that just bothers me about giving hugs. After having a fun night out with a very close friend of mine, he leaned in to give me a hug and I literally said, "I love you, but don't touch me..." In short, if you have ever gotten a really good hug from me, you should consider yourself lucky. I don't give those out to just anybody.


Does anyone else find hugging odd? Are you comfortable hugging certain people over others? Would you rather tell someone how much you care for them and how wonderful they are rather than give a hug? What do you think about my reasons for why hugging is weird for me: has anyone else noticed that? As always, I'm curious to see what you have to say!

I Don't Have Time for "Perfect"

I'm one of those people that tries her absolute best on everything she does. I push past realistic boundaries until I've done all I can physically do to complete a task; that being said, I am nowhere near perfect. I have a temper, my hair is usually a mess, I forgive too quickly but have trouble trusting people, I wear my emotions on my sleeves, I pull my hair out when I get nervous, I drive too fast, and I can't find shirts that fit right. Like I said, I'm not even close to being perfect, but I try to do the best with what I have.

Maybe all of the aforementioned faults are what make me so annoyed when I see someone who is "Perfect." (Yes, I know that no one is *actually* perfect, but there are those people who would have you think otherwise...) Their hair is always in place, their makeup is flawless, their teeth are straight and bleached white, their clothes are always neat, their manicure is on point, their life is completely organized and everything seems to be going right for them.
I CAN'T STAND THAT!

There are two reasons that people like this get under my skin.
1. Their life really is as good as it seems. They haven't had to endure the hardships that most other people have gone through, and they don't know what it's like to have a hard time. Everything has been handed to them on a silver platter and they haven't had to experience the "downs" that come with life.
If that's the case, then we have absolutely nothing in common. You will not understand the struggles that I've gone through to make me the person I am, when you were born as a shining star.

OR

2. Their life is just as hard as the rest of ours, but they aren't comfortable enough with themselves to show who they really are. They spend hours preparing themselves, and putting on this facade so that other people will think better of them. Now, don't get me wrong: there is nothing wrong with dressing up and having your life together; however, if you spend more time making it look like your life is together than you do actually living your life, then what's the point? You are more invested in what others think instead of how you feel about you. You feel like you aren't good enough to show what you consider your "dark side" (your stubbornness, singing off key, going without makeup, whatever it may be) because it isn't the absolute best.

I may not be perfect, but I'm always me. I'm real. I'm sweet, I'm stubborn, I dance while driving my car, I laugh too loud, I sound like a pterodactyl when I hiccup, I get my feelings hurt and my life is an Awkward Turtle. But you can always count on me being me. Are you always you?


"Today you are you, That is truer than true. There is no one alive Who is youer than you."
~Dr. Seuss

"But I Am Le Tired"

Is anyone else completely exhausted?
Seriously.


I've heard it said that "if you're an adult, and you aren't tired all the time, then you aren't doing it right." But the amount of tired that I'm experiencing is absolutely ridiculous. And surely I can't be the only person who feels this way; between my friends who are married and have kids, those who are working on their Doctorate, those struggling to graduate from college, and everyone else going through their own issues, there HAS to be a ton of people that are totally wiped out.



I'm proud to say that I work hard. Every day. Even if I'm not at work, I work hard. I know that working the way I do is cause for me to be tired at the end of the day. But to be perpetually tired..? To wake up just as worn out as when you laid down? To go through your day like a zombie because, no matter how many cups of coffee you drink, you just can't seem to wake up? That seems like over-doing it to me.



Granted, I would rather wear out than to rust out; however, that does not mean that I want to be the first one to wear out. Every now and again I would like a day to just sleep in as late as possible. I just want to stay in comfy pants all day and not feel guilty about it. One day to not leave my house, not put any makeup on to impress other people. All I ask for is one day with no responsibilities so I can have fun in my own way: whether that is watching classic Disney movies all day, going on a road-trip with a friend, playing in the park with my kids, or simply laying in the grass making shapes out of the moving clouds, I just want a day here and there to be me, and catch up on rest.



I wish I could write more about this, but I can't. I'm literally so tired that I can't form the words. So, before my sleep-deprived causes me to write in incoherent babbles, does anybody else feel this way? Are you as tired as I am?

You Make Me Feel Like a Poor-Man's Mary

I'm not stupid; I know that I'm not the perfect woman. Jaws don't drop when I walk into a room. I'm not the girl that "all guys want to date, and all girls want to be best friends with." I have no illusions to the contrary.
However, I don't deserve to be treated as a backup plan.



Don't make plans to hang out with me and then back out because you got a better offer.


Don't sweet-talk me and tell me that I'm beautiful one day, and the next day completely ignore me because someone prettier caught your eye.

 
Don't tell me that you miss me and wish you could hold me, all the while messaging dozens of girls the same thing.


When hanging out with me, if you see people you know, don't be ashamed of me. Actually introduce me to your friends instead of leaving me in the background awkwardly while you talk.



Whatever you do, just don't make me feel like I'm the alternative; I don't want to be your "Poor-Man's Mary." Don't tell me that you want something better, but will settle for me because I'm the cheaper version (metaphorically speaking, of course). This is a terrible for feeling for anyone to experience. I don't have a lot to say for this post: I guess my heart hurts just enough that I want to get my point across without really gushing about it. I just know that when you make me feel like the backup plan, I feel like I've done something wrong: I blame myself for not being good enough, I get angry, I'm ashamed, and I'm disheartened. No one should feel like they aren't good enough to be a priority. Nobody.