I'm More "Doris Day" Than "Marilyn Monroe"

Doris Day and Marilyn Monroe.
Both women were icons, but for very different reasons.

One was known as the Sweetheart: she was the girl next door type, always smiling, good-natured, but also had a temper and wasn't afraid to fight for what she wanted.
The other was known as the Sex Symbol: she was usually cast as a woman with lower intelligence, always wore skin-tight and figure flattering outfits, and was the woman that all the men wanted.

Even if you've never heard of Doris Day, most people are able to figure out which description goes with which woman. Doris Day was the Sweetheart while Marilyn Monroe was the Sex Symbol. Due to her untimely death and being known as a sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe is known around the world. Doris Day doesn't have the same global recognition because she was seen as more of an ordinary woman. People saw her as cute and sweet, but not as special as Marilyn.
(Keep in mind that these descriptions are based on stereotypes and global conceptions of the women. Personally, I believe that both women were beautiful, intelligent, funny, and extraordinary in their own ways.)

Based on the stereotypes of these women, I believe that I'm more "Doris Day" than "Marilyn Monroe." Physically, I'm built more like Marilyn: hourglass figure, full lips, and cleavage even in a turtleneck. But personality wise, I'm more of a Doris: funny, determined, have a temper, and a contagious laugh.

Doris and I are the type of women that a man would marry and come home to at the end of the day when he expected a home-cooked meal on the table. Marilyn is the woman guys want to have a romance with, and take her out on the town and show her off.
Doris and I are stubborn and can hold a grudge when fighting with our man. Marilyn never has a fight with her guy because he agrees to whatever she says for fear of losing her.
Marilyn is the woman that men are immediately drawn to and they want to take care of, while Doris and I are more of the Girl-Next-Door type where it takes guys years to decide that they want to be with us.
(Don't get me wrong, I like who I am. I'm cool being more girl-next-door than bombshell, I'm simply making comparisons to illustrate my point.)

Recently, two close male friends of mine (who have never met) said the following to me on separate occasions:
Collin: How are you still single? You are fantastic!
Trenton: I don't understand why some man hasn't come for you yet.

At the time, I didn't have a response for either of the men. But when I really started thinking about it, this is what I came up with: I think it confuses guys when they see me and expect Bombshell only to get Sweetheart. They expect a woman who needs protecting and to be shown off yet receive a woman who can manage her own life without the approval of others. They expect glitz and glamour only to be met with simplicity. They expect Sexy and get Cute instead. When they realize that I am not the Bombshell they thought, they are disappointed and don't have much use for me after that. And that's fine. I'd rather them not call back instead of asking for another date hoping that I will change into the Sex Symbol they wanted and us both being disappointed.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm more "Apple Pie" than "Martini." It's just that most guys my age would rather go out drinking than have a home cooked meal. I'm not worried, though. I enjoy being the Apple Pie of life. I have great friends and kids who love and support me, and I know that one day a great guy will come along looking for something more substantial, and he'll find me. So ladies, don't worry if you aren't a Marilyn. There's nothing wrong with being a Doris. Take my word for it.

Ladies, to whom do you relate more? Would you rather be one over the other? Fellas, do you prefer Marilyn to Doris, or do you like sweet more than sexy? As always, I'm excited to hear what you have to say. 

You Can, But I Can't?

Did you know that it is impossible for two people to be tired at the same time?

Oh yeah, it's true.
Nearly every time I mention to someone that I'm tired, they question me about my activities, then state what they have done and why they are tired, and that therefore I should have no reason to be so worn out.

Example: I had worked a 12-hour day, gone to classes, did 4 loads of laundry and lots of dishes, gone to a program for my residence hall, stayed up working on regular homework as well as my Senior Thesis, and gone to the gym. All of this on 3 hours of sleep. 
When a friend asked how I was doing, I simply replied, "I'm good. Tired, but good."
Without missing a beat, he says, "You're tired?! YOU'RE tired?! I've gone to classes, worked on an art project, and still haven't had my afternoon nap. I'M the one who is tired."

Now, I have no right to judge this guy. Maybe he needs more sleep to function well; maybe he was having a bad day and was just crabby; maybe he had no concept of how hard other people work and was unaware that the world does not revolve around him. Who knows. What I do know is that, even though he was tired, I was also exhausted. Just because he experienced fatigue didn't mean that I was exempt from it.

So, maybe I should have used my *Sarcasm Font* at the beginning of this post when I mentioned that it's impossible for two people to be tired at the same time. But that's how a lot of people make it seem: they are tired, so there is no way for you to also be tired.
What the heck kind of ridiculous rule is that?! Lots of people work hard, and they all deserve to rest and relax. Just because someone worked in a different way than you doesn't mean that they worked any less than you, or that they should be less tired than you. The thought that we are in competition to see who is "Truly Tired" because only one of us deserves to be so sleepy is preposterous to me.

I guess I don't have a lot to say for this particular post. This isn't philosophical and doesn't require a lot of deep thinking, I know. But it is something to consider.  You being tired doesn't cancel out another person being tired. Why are you the only one allowed to be worn out? Isn't it possible (and dare I say even probable) that more than one person has worked hard and is in need of rest? Think about that the next time you start to condemn another person for stating how tired he or she is, instead of trying to prove why you are the one who has the right to be tired.

My Cup Runneth Over

It's November, and most people (where I am from, at least) are celebrating Thanksgiving soon. A significant amount of people have been making Facebook statuses about what they are thankful for every day. I didn't participate in that trend because 87% of my friends would ignore it, 10% would read it and grumble about it, and only about 3% would enjoy what I had to say.

While completing an activity with some of my students, though, I realized that I have quite a lot to be thankful for, and I should express this. Some of what I am thankful for is people, and they need to know how grateful I am towards them. So, instead of posting something on Facebook for people to skip over, I am writing about it on here. You all choose to read my posts, so I don't feel as bad. The following are some of the prompts that I used with my class.

What does being thankful mean: It means knowing that your life is better because of something, and appreciating it.

What opportunities are you thankful for: So many. Going to college, participating in band and going on all those fantastic trips, working with the Upward Bound program, just to name a few.

Something about myself I am thankful for: Being tender-hearted.

A person I am grateful for because they inspire me: P!nk and Miranda Lambert (so what I don't know them personally.)

Someone who always makes me smile: My kids. All of them. All 300+ of them.

An adventure I am grateful I had the opportunity to experience: Being a military girlfriend. That was definitely an adventure..

Something I am thankful for about my neighborhood or community: That this is a safe, small-town  community.

Something I am thankful for about school: It made me a little less naive.

Someone I really appreciate because they support and encourage me: My family. They have always told me that I could do anything I set my mind to, and I feel that they mean it. 

Something alive I am thankful for: Flowers. They don't really serve a purpose, but they are good for the soul. The prettiest bouquet of flowers I ever got was a mix of yellow flowers: roses, daisies, sunflowers, and lilies.

Friends I am thankful for: Too many to name, honestly. A list of those I talk to on a daily-ish basis would include Chrissy, Trevor, Ryan, David, James, Steven, Brad, Mark, Joshua, Adam. (I have a lot of male friends, huh.)

Someone younger than me that I am thankful for: My little girl, Emma.

Someone older than me that I am thankful for: My Mama

Something invisible I am thankful for: Laughter

I am thankful I learned how to: Be patient. (After all, I hear it's a virtue. lol)

An activity I am grateful for:  Swimming. Being in the water (ocean, lake, pool, doesn't matter) is my happy place

Someone who teaches me I am thankful for: Ramona Garcia and Mr. Maurice Dean Jasper.

Something I am thankful for that is:
       - Square: My Bachelor's Degree
       - Round: The ring my daughter Faith gave me.
       - Triangle: Awkward Pillow
       - Rectangle: My work badge. It means that I have a job, and I am thankful for that.

Something I am thankful for that uses technology: Medicine. Modern medicine is a fantastic thing. I've had a lot of injuries, and I am always thankful for the doctors and nurses who have all this technology to help. (Lung surgeries, cracked ribs, cracked sternum, bruised tailbone, concussions, broken fingers, broken ankle, asphalt burns, all kinds of stuff!)  

Something I am thankful for that is:
       - Blue: My Mama's ring
       -Orange:My orange dress. I feel pretty every time I wear it.
       - Red: The ladybug I received after surgery. His name is Francis.
       - Green: My Grandma's apron. 
       - Yellow: The sun. The brighter is beams, the happier I am.

An animal I am thankful for: Flutter-bies. (aka Butterflies).

Someone I really appreciate because they spend time with me:Once again, too many to name. My family and my close friends have always been there for me.

Something about my home I am thankful for: It is always filled with love and laughter.

Something I could not live without: Music

Something in nature I am grateful for: The changing of seasons. I love that I live in an area where I get to experience all four seasons (although Winter could be a little shorter and I'd be happy.)

Something you cannot touch you are thankful for: Prayer

Something I am thankful someone did for me: For all those who served, are serving, and will serve in the military to keep me free and safe.

Sounds I am thankful for: All of them. Several important people in my life are part of the Deaf Community, so I'm thankful that I have the ability to hear.

A sight I am grateful for: Children running towards me with outstretched arms and smiles.

"Perhaps Mr. Collins Has a Cousin"

Mr. Collins: Mrs Bennet, I have been bestowed by the good grace of Lady Catherine de Bourgh a parsonage of no mean size. It is my avowed hope that soon I may find a mistress for it. And I have to inform you that the eldest Miss Bennet has captured my special attention.

Mrs. Bennet: Unfortunately, it is incumbent upon me to hint that the
 eldest Miss Bennet is very soon to be engaged. But Miss Lizzie,next 
to her in age and beauty, would make anyone an excellent partner. 
Do not you agree?

Mr. Collins: Indeed. Indeed. A very agreeable alternative.

If you aren't familiar with this excerpt from the Jane Austen novel
 Pride and Prejudice, allow me to clear it up for you. Mr. Collins is 
telling Jane's mother, Mrs. Bennet, that he is interested in marrying Jane.
 Mrs. Bennet tells him that Jane is already on her way to becoming engaged 
to another man; however, Mrs. Bennet tells Mr. Collins that Jane's sister,
 Lizzie, is just a step down in comparison to Jane, and that she would be
 a decent backup. 

Personally, if I was Lizzie, I would be livid with my mother if she persuaded 
a man to go out with me instead of my sister because my sister was already taken.
To me, this says "Mom thinks I can't get a guy on my own, so she is trying to push
Jane's rejects towards me." And the fact that the man so easily changed his mind
about which woman to pursue in his quest for marriage tells me that he is more 
interested in having a wife than he is in the actual woman. Basically, he likes the 
idea of marriage more than he likes the woman he is asking to marry him. 

I've been the "Lizzie" in this situation a few times. Either a friend didn't like the guy 
she went on a date with and tried to set me up with him instead, or family members
 find out that a man is interested in my sister, but since she is taken, they try to redirect
him towards me.  I feel obligated to be nice and at least attempt to go on the date, but I
always feel awkward while on the date, and then I just get frustrated with whoever set up
the date in the first place. My way of thinking is that if he doesn't really want to
 take me out in the first place, then what is the point of going? He won't be
 happy, I won't be happy. Why push it? 

This sense of "not pushing it" also applies to dating in general, not simply the dates that 
other people coerce us to go on.  Anecdotal example: I went on a few dates with a guy
 named Anthony. We had fun, laughed a lot together, enjoyed good conversation, we had
met each others' parents. Things seemed to be going pretty well. We both got busy with 
work and school, and life in general, but still had plans to go out soon. A few days before 
we were supposed to go out, I still hadn't heard from Anthony, so I send him a message 
saying that I'm excited to see him again. No response. No response for days. Now it's the 
day Anthony and I were supposed to go out, but I still don't hear from him. Instead of 
getting all dolled-up and waiting around for him, and then being disappointed when he 
didn't show up, I made my own plans and had fun. Yes, it hurt that he blew me off without
 even a lame excuse, but I was not about to let it ruin my night or my life. Moral of the Story 
here is that is he isn't going to put in the effort to try to keep you, don't put in the effort to try 
to make him. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he is the one with the problem, not you. 
To me, if you gave it a solid shot but things didn't work like you'd thought, No Harm,
 No Foul, No More Dates. Don't misunderstand, I'm willing to put in the
time and effort that maintaining a relationship requires; however, I will not be the only 
one putting in that effort. As long as we are both interesting in keeping the relationship
going, then I will be more than happy to do my part. But if you can't be bothered with it,
then I am not going to waste my time trying to make things work for you. 

I'm a grown woman. I am not going to chase after you. I will not pine when you move on 
without even the courtesy of telling me. I will not beg you to stay with me, or to give me 
one more chance. At this point, I assume that anyone I go on a date with is capable of
 adult-thinking and knows that their actions have consequences. If you don't want to
 keep seeing me, be a man and tell me. I will think better of you if you tell me upfront
 rather than if you just leave me hanging. 

"If he isn't calling you, it's because you aren't on his mind. "Busy" in another word for Jerk." 
I don't know who is quoted as saying this, but they have a point. And I don't have time for 
jerks in my life. 

In a Game of "Truth or Dare" I Always Picked Truth

I have never been described as brave.
Sure, I've been described as timid, backwards, awkward, and nervous. But never brave. And I kind of hate that. I wish I had the courage to do things boldly.

Now, I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm a coward. I'm just cautious. I don't take unnecessary risks when there is clearly a safer route. For example, a few years ago when we all went on vacation, my sister went bungee jumping. Instead of going with her, I waited on the ground and just watched.That's just how I've always done things. But every once in a while, things need shaken up.

Here is where I need your help.
I'm leaving it up to my readers. I'm hoping to get at least 10 comments about something I should do that would show me as being brave. Of course, they can't be ridiculous stunts where someone could get hurt, but suggestions on activities for me to improve my bravery. Once I get a decent amount of suggestions, I'll start working on completing those tasks and will keep you updated. But this way, I know that I'm accountable for reporting back to you about my challenges, so I am more likely to be brave than I would if it was just me.

Okay, so maybe this is the Psych major coming out in me doing a social experiment, but I'm kind of excited to see what you come up with.

Happy Girls are the Prettiest

My last few posts have been intense, so I wanted to lighten things up a bit.

Last weekend I took out my little girl, Emma, for a Girl's Day. We went to the park, drove around downtown blasting music, had a picnic in the park and fed the ducks. It was a fantastic day. Now (for those of you who are knew to my posts) when I call her "My Little Girl" I don't mean that she is my daughter; I love her like she's mine, but she is in no way related to me. That being said, I always have a great time when Emma and I go out. Normally I'm so wrapped up in that feeling of happiness that only being with a child can give you, that I don't notice much else. This past weekend, however, something caught my attention.

I was hit on more when I was out with Emma because guys thought I was her single mother than I have in any other situation. Let me run that one by you again: I had more guys flirting with me when they thought I was a 24 year old single-mother than when they think I'm just a single 24 year old female.

I was completely baffled by this observation. I simply couldn't understand it. I thought that most guys would avoid flirting with a woman my age knowing that she had a child for fear of being tied down, or having to take on lots of responsibility at such a young age themselves. When I asked one of my guy friends what he thought about this phenomenon, he made a valid point.

Trevor: Have you ever seen yourself when you're with kids? You light up! You're beautiful normally, but when you're with your kids, you are absolutely gorgeous. You have a 1,000 Watt smile and you beam with love. When you are with your kids, you are truly happy.

He's right. Being with my kids is my Happy Place: that time where nothing is wrong, there is lots of laughter, and you are completely content with yourself.  As juvenile as it sounds, I think that everyone needs a happy thought. They can be a way of escaping a terrible situation, they get help you out of your mental-funk, and just put you in a better mood in general. A lot of people use them:

In "Peter Pan", it is revealed that the only thing Wendy, Michael, and John need to do in order to fly is to "think of wonderful thought. Any happy little thought." (Of course, there is a small matter of Pixie dust, but that isn't something the children can control.) The Happy Thought is what enables flight.

When actor Adam Sandler takes on the role of "Happy Gilmore" for the self-titled movie, he also finds himself using a Happy Thought to get himself in a better frame of mind and overcome obstacles. When Happy tries to beat Shooter McGavin in a golfing tournament he turns to his "Happy Thought" to get the job done, and it works.

In the movie "A Little Princess" Sara is young girl in a school for girls. Sarah is orphaned and made a servant in the school so that she may work off some of her debt. At one point, the Head-Mistress threatens to call the police and have Sara thrown out on the streets with no form of shelter or food. To help herself make it through the night without having a nervous breakdown, Sara pretends that the tiny, dirty old attic is covered with expensive clothes (instead of the rags she is wearing), silver platters covered with food (instead of admitting she hasn't eaten in days) and that she has a soft, warm bed to sleep comfortable on (instead of laying on the floor where the boards are soaked through.) But because she imagined all this as her Happy Thought, Sara was able to make it through the night and into a better day.

Whatever your Happy Thought is, keep it with you when you are having a bad day. Go to your Happy Place when it seems like the world couldn't be any worse, and find the light that your thought brings about. when you are truly happy, you will look it. You will feel more confident, outgoing, and more beautiful. Audrey Hepburn is quoted as saying, "I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls." And I think she has a point.

It's freezing and our hair is a mess. But we don't care because we're happy when we're together.

Fight Like a Girl

I believe in rooting for the underdog. 
I believe in being prepared.
I believe in taking care of yourself.

I believe that no man should ever hit a woman. But I also believe that every woman should know how to protect herself in case she is ever attacked.

Most of the human population consists of good people. Men and women that are good-natured and wouldn't hurt another person intentionally. However, there is that 1% of people (both men and women) who are, in my opinion, the scum of the Earth and don't care who they hurt in any situation. Whether it is physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically, they are A-Okay with hurting people. Most of the public have their own style for dealing with emotional and psychological tactics. A significant number, though, are unprepared should they find themselves in a physical battle.

I've been hit. I won't go into details, but I can tell you that it is all kinds of no-fun. It's the most infuriating, humiliating, terrifying, shocking and helpless feeling that I've ever experienced all at the same time. I don't want to ever feel that way again; I don't want anyone else to have to feel that way. But a good portion of women are unprepared to defend themselves in the event that they are assaulted.

I've always been able to hold my own, and was stronger than majority of the girls I knew. However, this didn't dissuade me from taking a Self-Defense class on campus my freshmen year of college. A few officers from the police department volunteered to teach women basic self-defense maneuvers to ward off any potential attackers. I LOVED this. I got to spend three hours a night for a week learning different techniques, practicing punches and kicks, and feeling empowered because I knew that I could defend myself. Not only did I greatly enjoy this class, but I excelled at it. I was so good that I was offered the chance to help teach some of the female cadets those same techniques.

A few years later, I enrolled in a Women's Self-Defense course, and received college credit for it. Instead of just showing us basic moves, the teachers demonstrated and explained types of Aikido moves. They showed us how to use natural movements to get out of our Attacker's grip, how to escape a choke-hold, and how to wriggle out of a bear-hug-type-hold by using smart strategies instead of trying to overpower the assailant (which is not likely to happen, anyway). These men taught us how to react in a smart way instead of panicking and endangering ourselves even more.

 There are classes offered through most, if not all, colleges and cities. Most martial arts studios offer some self-defense classes. Gyms provide women's groups so that females may learn basic fighting techniques without feeling self-conscious. There are so many options to learn how to defend yourself. I don't condone fighting just for giggles, but I strongly suggest knowing how to fight in order to protect yourself.

I'm sure that I'll catch all kinds of grief over this post telling me that I should have written to males advising them to not be violent to women instead of telling women that they should know how to defend themselves. Personally, I believe that both are true: men should never hit a woman, and women should know to protect themselves. The male-lesson needs to be taught at home when he is still young and forming his ideas about how to act. It does no good for a boy to grow up thinking violence against women is acceptable, and then for me to try to tell them not to do it. It doesn't work that way. On the other hand, however, no matter when we tell females that they need to be able to take care of themselves, it seems to sink in. I know this because there are women of all ages signing up for self-defense class, getting their Concealed Carry gun permit, and learning how to curl her hands into a fist for the first time.

When the days comes, though, I will teach my son how to properly treat a lady, and I will teach my little girl how to throw a right-cross.