I'm not stupid; I know that I'm not the perfect woman. Jaws don't drop when I walk into a room. I'm not the girl that "all guys want to date, and all girls want to be best friends with." I have no illusions to the contrary.
However, I don't deserve to be treated as a backup plan.
Don't make plans to hang out with me and then back out because you got a better offer.
Don't sweet-talk me and tell me that I'm beautiful one day, and the next day completely ignore me because someone prettier caught your eye.
Don't tell me that you miss me and wish you could hold me, all the while messaging dozens of girls the same thing.
When hanging out with me, if you see people you know, don't be ashamed of me. Actually introduce me to your friends instead of leaving me in the background awkwardly while you talk.
Whatever you do, just don't make me feel like I'm the alternative; I don't want to be your "Poor-Man's Mary." Don't tell me that you want something better, but will settle for me because I'm the cheaper version (metaphorically speaking, of course). This is a terrible for feeling for anyone to experience. I don't have a lot to say for this post: I guess my heart hurts just enough that I want to get my point across without really gushing about it. I just know that when you make me feel like the backup plan, I feel like I've done something wrong: I blame myself for not being good enough, I get angry, I'm ashamed, and I'm disheartened. No one should feel like they aren't good enough to be a priority. Nobody.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
My Inner Beatnik
Sherman Alexie once said that "Poetry = Anger x Imagination."
To me, this means that you have to have an emotional reaction to something to create, or even understand, poetry. Whether it's anger, love, depression, despondence, or confidence doesn't matter. To be able to create poetry, you NEED to have a strong emotional reaction. If the writer has that strong reaction, the reader will have a strong emotional connection. (The reader may not have the same reaction that the writer had, but that's part of the beauty of poetry: it's open to personal interpretation. "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become." ~Dr. Seuss, The Lorax)
Two of my favorite poets are Edgar Allen Poe and Dr. Seuss. (Yes, I know this is an odd combination, but they always make me feel something.)
My friends and UB kids make fun of me because I can quote the first four pages of "Horton Hatches the Egg," complete with character voices; I enjoy it that much. Maybe you just see his writings as children's books, but they can be so much more than that.
In sixth grade we had to read poems. I had read a few of Edgar Allen Poe's work, but that was the first time that I'd ever heard "Annabel Lee." I instantly fell in love. This heart-breaking story of young lovers being torn apart by tragic death tears me apart. I made up a simple melody to fit the words of this poem, and I sing it anytime I'm feeling down.
It was many
and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea.
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
of the name of ANNABEL LEE.
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
than to love and be loved by me
In a kingdom by the sea.
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
of the name of ANNABEL LEE.
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
than to love and be loved by me
I was a child and she was a child
in this kingdom by the sea.
But we loved with a love that was more than a love,
I and my ANNABEL LEE.
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
coveted her and me.
in this kingdom by the sea.
But we loved with a love that was more than a love,
I and my ANNABEL LEE.
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
coveted her and me.
And this was
the reason that, long ago,
in the kingdom by the sea,
a wind blew out of cloud chilling
my beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
So that her highborn kinsman came
and bore her away from me
to shut her up in a sepulcher
in this kingdom by the sea.
in the kingdom by the sea,
a wind blew out of cloud chilling
my beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
So that her highborn kinsman came
and bore her away from me
to shut her up in a sepulcher
in this kingdom by the sea.
The angels
not half so happy in heaven,
went envying her and me.
went envying her and me.
Yes, that was the reason, as all men know,
in this kingdom by the sea,
that the wind came out of the cloud by night,
chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.
in this kingdom by the sea,
that the wind came out of the cloud by night,
chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
of those who were older than we.
Of many far wiser than we.
And neither the angels in heaven above,
nor the demons down under the sea,
can ever dissever my soul from the soul
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
For the moon
never beams without bringing me dreams
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
And so, all the night-tide,
I lie down by the side,
of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride.
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
in her tomb by the sounding sea.
You don't have to like every bit of poetry that you read. You don't have to like any of it. But I think you should at least experience it. Really let yourself experience it and see if it stirs any emotions inside of you. Read simple poetry. Read poetry that requires the use of a dictionary to understand. Listen to spoken poetry ("If I Should Have a Daughter" by Sarah Kay, or anything by Shane Koyczan (fair warning: he cusses in some of his work, so don't listen if you would be offended by this.)) Get excited, get angry. Laugh, cry. Do something.
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.
And so, all the night-tide,
I lie down by the side,
of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride.
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
in her tomb by the sounding sea.
You don't have to like every bit of poetry that you read. You don't have to like any of it. But I think you should at least experience it. Really let yourself experience it and see if it stirs any emotions inside of you. Read simple poetry. Read poetry that requires the use of a dictionary to understand. Listen to spoken poetry ("If I Should Have a Daughter" by Sarah Kay, or anything by Shane Koyczan (fair warning: he cusses in some of his work, so don't listen if you would be offended by this.)) Get excited, get angry. Laugh, cry. Do something.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Who's in Charge Around Here?!
In this crazy messed up world that we live in, we all have to make decisions. Be them good, bad or indifferent, we all make choices. But how do we make up our minds about which choice to make? Some people are analytical and use their mind to reason things out; others go with their gut and what emotions tell them.
MIND ONLY
Those who rely solely on their minds are usually methodical in everything they do: they plan and organize, they have trouble being spontaneous, and they force themselves to be rational about all situations. They play a game of chess in their minds to figure out how one situation will impact the rest of their lives.These are the people that take ten years to buy a couch because they want to be absolutely positive that they are making the right choice. Dr. Gregory House, of the show "House" could be described as a "mind-only" decision maker. He makes decisions based on how rational the options are, and openly mocks those who believe or act illogically.
HEART ONLY
Those who listen to only what their heart tells them are impulsive: they make snap decisions (which can be good or bad, depending on the mood they're in), are more adventurous, and tend to jump into situations without knowing what kind of consequences their actions could lead to. These are the people that think up a scheme and act on it immediately. In the movie "Single White Female" Allie acts based on her emotions at the time. Doing so, she becomes roommates with a psychopath who tries to kill her. Granted, no one really thinks something like this will happen to them, but if Allie had taken some time to calm down, she would have gotten back together with her boyfriend and not needed a roommate (crazy or not) in the first place.
COMBINATION
There are several philosophers who could argue for each of the above methods, but I prefer using a combination. I would rather use both my heart and my head in the decision-making process instead of going to either extreme. If I use only my heart and emotions, then I would make snap-decisions and have a lot of regrets. On the other hand, if I my mind to reason out every action, then I would be consumed with "If I did this, what would happen..." thoughts and would lose relationships with the people I love. Combining these methods allows a person to take into consideration the consequences of the his or her actions, while also factoring in the human-element of how that makes you feel.
Scenario 1: While shopping, I find a dress that flatters me and makes me feel pretty, but notice that it is out of my budget.
Mind Only: I don't need new clothes. I already own clothes. That fulfills the social requirement, therefore there is no need to purchase any additional items of clothing.
Heart Only: This dress is so pretty! I want it! I'll get it. (*When it's the end of the month and I can't buy food because I spent my grocery money on this dress then I will just wallow in my emotions and regret.)
Combination: I really like this dress, but I can't afford it right now. I'll wait for it to go on clearance, and then buy it.
Scenario 2: A man with a moral compass that points to a different direction than mine asks me out on a date.
Mind Only: The choices this man has made are irrational; they are based on fallacies. He will not be a benefit to my life in any way, so I will not accept his invitation.
Heart Only: Wow, he's handsome! I definitely want to date him! (Later when we argue about any given topic, I will fly off the handle and let all of my negative and angry emotions out.)
Combination: I acknowledge that we have our differences, but agree to go on the date. I notice the oddities that would make it hard to build a relationship, so I break things off, even though I still think he is really cute.
I could go on with different examples of what would happen if you used just your mind, just your heart, or a combination of these two to make decisions, but I think you get my point. Maybe it just works out better for me this way. Maybe you are perfectly content with going on just-emotions, or just-reason. But I can't see myself being happy or comfortable with a decision I made based on Mind only, or by Heart only. I think you have to take a little bit from both sides. What do you think? How do you make decisions? Do you change the way you make decisions based on which method gives you the outcome you want? As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
MIND ONLY
Those who rely solely on their minds are usually methodical in everything they do: they plan and organize, they have trouble being spontaneous, and they force themselves to be rational about all situations. They play a game of chess in their minds to figure out how one situation will impact the rest of their lives.These are the people that take ten years to buy a couch because they want to be absolutely positive that they are making the right choice. Dr. Gregory House, of the show "House" could be described as a "mind-only" decision maker. He makes decisions based on how rational the options are, and openly mocks those who believe or act illogically.
HEART ONLY
Those who listen to only what their heart tells them are impulsive: they make snap decisions (which can be good or bad, depending on the mood they're in), are more adventurous, and tend to jump into situations without knowing what kind of consequences their actions could lead to. These are the people that think up a scheme and act on it immediately. In the movie "Single White Female" Allie acts based on her emotions at the time. Doing so, she becomes roommates with a psychopath who tries to kill her. Granted, no one really thinks something like this will happen to them, but if Allie had taken some time to calm down, she would have gotten back together with her boyfriend and not needed a roommate (crazy or not) in the first place.
COMBINATION
There are several philosophers who could argue for each of the above methods, but I prefer using a combination. I would rather use both my heart and my head in the decision-making process instead of going to either extreme. If I use only my heart and emotions, then I would make snap-decisions and have a lot of regrets. On the other hand, if I my mind to reason out every action, then I would be consumed with "If I did this, what would happen..." thoughts and would lose relationships with the people I love. Combining these methods allows a person to take into consideration the consequences of the his or her actions, while also factoring in the human-element of how that makes you feel.
Scenario 1: While shopping, I find a dress that flatters me and makes me feel pretty, but notice that it is out of my budget.
Mind Only: I don't need new clothes. I already own clothes. That fulfills the social requirement, therefore there is no need to purchase any additional items of clothing.
Heart Only: This dress is so pretty! I want it! I'll get it. (*When it's the end of the month and I can't buy food because I spent my grocery money on this dress then I will just wallow in my emotions and regret.)
Combination: I really like this dress, but I can't afford it right now. I'll wait for it to go on clearance, and then buy it.
Scenario 2: A man with a moral compass that points to a different direction than mine asks me out on a date.
Mind Only: The choices this man has made are irrational; they are based on fallacies. He will not be a benefit to my life in any way, so I will not accept his invitation.
Heart Only: Wow, he's handsome! I definitely want to date him! (Later when we argue about any given topic, I will fly off the handle and let all of my negative and angry emotions out.)
Combination: I acknowledge that we have our differences, but agree to go on the date. I notice the oddities that would make it hard to build a relationship, so I break things off, even though I still think he is really cute.
I could go on with different examples of what would happen if you used just your mind, just your heart, or a combination of these two to make decisions, but I think you get my point. Maybe it just works out better for me this way. Maybe you are perfectly content with going on just-emotions, or just-reason. But I can't see myself being happy or comfortable with a decision I made based on Mind only, or by Heart only. I think you have to take a little bit from both sides. What do you think? How do you make decisions? Do you change the way you make decisions based on which method gives you the outcome you want? As always, I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Go Against the Grain
I hate conflict. Hearing people fight makes me feel anxious. Growing up, seeing my brother or sister getting in trouble made me so nervous that I had to leave the room. Simply observing these encounters, it's almost as if I'm the one in the fight. Usually, I would much rather go with the flow and have everyone get along.
However, there are those occasions where it is better to go against the grain. (Notice: I'm not saying that you should be a mindless, crowd-following zombie. I'm just saying that there is no need to start a fight over petty issues.)
At work recently, I heard a group of co-workers having a discussion during lunch. It wasn't a hot-button issue (like abortion, gay marriage, or anything like that), but I was curious to see how a few people responded. I knew what some of them had told me in one-on-one conversations, but I hadn't had a chance to talk to others about their point of view and was genuinely curious about their responses. To my surprise, everyone agreed with the person who started this conversation. That seemed odd to me, considering what those people told me in our personal conversations, but I just continued to listen. Finally, there was one man who stated that he had a conflicting opinion. The group looked at him strangely at first, as if to say "How Dare You Not Agree With What Everyone Else Has Said," but eventually relaxed their posture and let him explain his view. After listening to his reasoning, a handful of people bit their bottom lips in nervousness and admitted that they had thought the same things. One man having the courage to stand up for himself and his way of thinking gave other people the guts to do the same thing.
One of my kids, James, has talked to me about a problem he's having with a few of his friends. I'm not giving out details here, but the gist of things is that he doesn't agree with the way that his friends are acting. These kids have been friends for a long time, and James doesn't want to lose any of them; however, he is torn between keeping these friends and acting in the way that he knows is right. After taking a few days to consider his options, James came to me with his decision: he is going to stand up for what he knows is right. If these people are really his friends, they will accept that he is doing something differently than they are, but will still accept him. If they don't accept his actions, then he didn't need them as friends anyway. Why would you want someone in your life who was negative about your choices and made you feel bad about your actions? You don't need "friends" who make everything around you toxic. You are better off without them. And odds are that you will be a better person without them around.
Situation like this don't just happen during adolescence; people will try to tell you what to do, or what you aren't allowed to do, your entire life. Parents, teachers, bosses, friends, strangers. There are a lot of people who think they know what is best for you, and that you should follow their every word. Sure, these people might have some good suggestions, but you have to decide for yourself who you are, and what you need to do with your life. If you let others dictate your life, are you really being yourself? Or are you being what other people want you to be? Maybe you're fine with following the directions that others have laid out for you, and if that's the case, then good for you. If that's your system, enjoy it. However, that would drive me bonkers. I appreciate that there are people out there who want to help me, and only want what is best for me; however, some of the "advice" they peddle isn't right for me. Whatever you decide (following every order, taking advice with a grain of salt,or rebelling against what everyone tells you), just make sure that you are being true to yourself.
“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the heck you were gonna do anyway.”
~Robert Downey Jr.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Going Through the Motions
I have been completely swamped this week. I couldn't think of a topic to write about, and even if I had, I haven't had the time to write it up to my standards.
BUT...instead of not posting anything this week, I decided to post song lyrics that have some of the same emotions I've been experiencing lately.
Buffy: Every single night, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart
I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing
Henchman She ain't got that swing
Buffy......Thanks for noticing
Demon and Henchmen She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow
She's not even half the girl she...ow..
Buffy Will I stay this way forever,
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor
Handsome Man Buffy Rescued How can I repay....
Buffy Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be alive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt7CfNO8Xdk
Yes this is the opening song from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More With Feeling," but I feel like knowing this only gives you more insight to my personality. So, am I the only one who feels this way; am I the only person who feels like she is simply going through the motions of her life?
As always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
BUT...instead of not posting anything this week, I decided to post song lyrics that have some of the same emotions I've been experiencing lately.
Buffy: Every single night, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart
I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing
Henchman She ain't got that swing
Buffy......Thanks for noticing
Demon and Henchmen She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow
She's not even half the girl she...ow..
Buffy Will I stay this way forever,
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor
Handsome Man Buffy Rescued How can I repay....
Buffy Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions
Losing all my drive
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be alive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt7CfNO8Xdk
Yes this is the opening song from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More With Feeling," but I feel like knowing this only gives you more insight to my personality. So, am I the only one who feels this way; am I the only person who feels like she is simply going through the motions of her life?
As always, I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Don't Just Exist. Live.
Between Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Blogger, the other social media sites, and our habit-forming technology use, more people are spending a significant amount of time sitting around on computers. You keep searching pages on Pinterest, and coming up with different situations where you could use that really crafty idea; you browse your news-feed and wait for someone to message you on Facebook, hoping that they have an interesting story to tell you.
While I believe that all of these things are fine in their own time and in moderation, I also believe that we should be out in the world, actually living. Not counting how many "friends" we have on facebook, or how many wedding ideas we can get from Pinterest (even though half of the people doing this are still single...) Get out and live a little. Actually DO something.
A friend asked if I had plans on a weekday. I answered with something along the lines of, "No, no plans. Usually I just sit around the house and write, but that's about it." He said that if I already had plans to write that night, that it was no big deal, and that we could hang out some other time. Well that just seemed silly to me: how ridiculous would it have been for me to turn down the opportunity to hang out with a friend so that I could sit at home and stare at my computer? It would be absurd to not go out and have a little fun when given the chance, just to sit at home and find ways to embellish your life (or pretend that you have a life, for that matter).
We shouldn't be afraid to get out and expose ourselves to different situations. Get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. See what the world has to offer. Get into mischief sometimes. We shouldn't just sit in our safety box and maintain this mundane existence that we call life (especially at the mercy of a computer). Feel the sun on your skin, run against the wind, talk to random people you meet while walking down the street, get a black eye. I don't care what you do, just do something.
I have to include myself in all of this. I'm guilty of staying in my comfort zone, and not pushing my own boundaries. But I'm realizing more and more that there are so many more things I can do with my life, more that I need to experience. Right now I feel like I haven't done anything with my life, and like I need to be more brave. Not stupid, just brave and more outgoing. Luckily, a friend is willing to help me expand my horizons and get out of my shell now.
So grab a friend, or a sibling, or a stranger. Experience life with other people. Leave the technology behind for a while, and let other people show you how wonderful life can truly be. Don't sit around waiting for the good things to happen; go out looking for them, and try to make every experience a good one.
In the movie "Signs," the character Merrill Hess is a former baseball player: he has five minor-league home run records. But more importantly (for my purposes at least) he has another record; he also has the minor-league strikeout record.
"He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could." ~Lionel Prichard talking about Merrill's record.
To me, this is a great example of going out and living: he is out there, giving it his all, doing his best because just sitting around felt wrong.
So stop reading, get outside, and do something. Grab a friend and get into trouble together. Chase the stars, stay out past sunrise, and have an interesting story to tell someone. Don't Just Exist. Live.
While I believe that all of these things are fine in their own time and in moderation, I also believe that we should be out in the world, actually living. Not counting how many "friends" we have on facebook, or how many wedding ideas we can get from Pinterest (even though half of the people doing this are still single...) Get out and live a little. Actually DO something.
A friend asked if I had plans on a weekday. I answered with something along the lines of, "No, no plans. Usually I just sit around the house and write, but that's about it." He said that if I already had plans to write that night, that it was no big deal, and that we could hang out some other time. Well that just seemed silly to me: how ridiculous would it have been for me to turn down the opportunity to hang out with a friend so that I could sit at home and stare at my computer? It would be absurd to not go out and have a little fun when given the chance, just to sit at home and find ways to embellish your life (or pretend that you have a life, for that matter).
We shouldn't be afraid to get out and expose ourselves to different situations. Get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. See what the world has to offer. Get into mischief sometimes. We shouldn't just sit in our safety box and maintain this mundane existence that we call life (especially at the mercy of a computer). Feel the sun on your skin, run against the wind, talk to random people you meet while walking down the street, get a black eye. I don't care what you do, just do something.
I have to include myself in all of this. I'm guilty of staying in my comfort zone, and not pushing my own boundaries. But I'm realizing more and more that there are so many more things I can do with my life, more that I need to experience. Right now I feel like I haven't done anything with my life, and like I need to be more brave. Not stupid, just brave and more outgoing. Luckily, a friend is willing to help me expand my horizons and get out of my shell now.
So grab a friend, or a sibling, or a stranger. Experience life with other people. Leave the technology behind for a while, and let other people show you how wonderful life can truly be. Don't sit around waiting for the good things to happen; go out looking for them, and try to make every experience a good one.
In the movie "Signs," the character Merrill Hess is a former baseball player: he has five minor-league home run records. But more importantly (for my purposes at least) he has another record; he also has the minor-league strikeout record.
"He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could." ~Lionel Prichard talking about Merrill's record.
To me, this is a great example of going out and living: he is out there, giving it his all, doing his best because just sitting around felt wrong.
So stop reading, get outside, and do something. Grab a friend and get into trouble together. Chase the stars, stay out past sunrise, and have an interesting story to tell someone. Don't Just Exist. Live.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Consider Your Audience
I can pretty much guarantee that every English teacher in the history of the world has touched on this subject. But that is only the case because it is such an important subject: consider your audience. It sounds simple enough, sure. But most people do not go into detail about how to consider your audience, and how to grab their attention. "You always want to engage your the person you're talking to. Make them want to listen to you." We've all heard that. But there are never real-world examples to go along with this message. Luckily, I'm here to help you out with your Talking-to-the-Audience needs.
First off, use a nice tone. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who is yelling at them. If you struggle with this, pretend that you are a receptionist at a major corporation, and talk to someone with the same tone and sense of respect that you would a customer. It also helps if you smile when you talk; it's really hard to have an angry-tone while smiling. (Go ahead, try.) Part of this nice tone means cutting back on the cussing. Not cussing at all would be ideal, but I understand that cuss words are just part of the vernacular in some places, so just be careful which words you use around certain people (such as kids). I'm a big girl, and I've heard my fair share of cussing (between dating a sailor and working with some rough characters, I've heard more than my fair share!), so it doesn't bother me when an occasional cuss word slips in, but having a string of pointless swear words in your statement seems asinine and like you are trying to sound more important than you really are. You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Trust me.
Next: maintain eye contact. Dr. Seuss said it best: "A person is a person, no matter how small."
No matter who you're talking to, look at them. Look directly in their eyes and speak to them. Your eyes should not wander behind the other person, trying to find something more interesting to look at. That's rude. If they are important enough to talk to, then they deserve the respect of being looked in the eyes. Also, don't scan their body; I know it's tempting sometimes to check out the person you're talking to, and for your eyes to rest on their best physical feature. That's rude, too. You may think it's a form of flattery to look a girl up and down, checking her body out, but I'm willing to bet that she wishes your eyes were focused on her eyes. The same goes for talking to guy: don't treat them like a piece of meat. If you're talking to them, look at them, see them as a person, and actually talk to them. Don't talk AT them while looking them over. (If they break eye contact for some reason, then it is acceptable to check them out, but when they turn back to you, you should be looking in their eyes.)
I know we live in a time when electronic devices rule the world, but nothing irritates me in the same way as having a conversation with someone and for them to start playing on their phone, or ipod or whatever. It doesn't matter what the device is, it matters that it is put away while talking to people. Whether you initiate the conversation, or someone starts talking to you makes no difference; you should put your music on pause, take a break from your "Words with Friends" game, let that text message wait until you are done talking. If someone takes the time to talk to you, then you should have the time to respect them and actually listen to what they are saying (as opposed to playing your online games and simply nodding your head when they take a break from talking). I understand if you have to take a phone call during a conversation, but once again, treat the person you're talking to with some respect: tell them that you have to take this phone call, apologize, take a step back from there so that you aren't having a different conversation in their face, get off the phone as soon as possible, and then resume the conversation you were having prior to the phone ringing.
Some of you want to argue with me on this point, saying that you are a wonderful multi-tasker, and can do all these different things while still paying attention to the person you're talking to. My response: It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're the best multi-tasker in the world, I still think it's rude to put meaningless objects, especially technology, ahead of people, especially those standing in front of you vying for your attention. Just put your phone down and have a face-to-face conversation. Odds are it will do you good.
These may seem like simple tips, but you would be surprised at how many people don't follow these basic rules.Children, teenagers, and adults alike are guilty of disregarding these common-courtesy rules. I promise that if one person follows all of these rules, the conversation will improve at least 20%. Imagine how much things would improve if everyone involved in the conversation were to follow all these tips.Trust me when I say that by following these rules, people will be more interested in what you have to say. So what do you think about these helpful hints? Do you think most people abide by these rules, or should they take a trip to Courtesy Class and learn how to follow these guidelines? Do you think these three simple tips are sufficient, or are there other rules that need enforcing? Are you guilty of abandoning these rules of courtesy in favor of multitasking? Let me know what you think.
First off, use a nice tone. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who is yelling at them. If you struggle with this, pretend that you are a receptionist at a major corporation, and talk to someone with the same tone and sense of respect that you would a customer. It also helps if you smile when you talk; it's really hard to have an angry-tone while smiling. (Go ahead, try.) Part of this nice tone means cutting back on the cussing. Not cussing at all would be ideal, but I understand that cuss words are just part of the vernacular in some places, so just be careful which words you use around certain people (such as kids). I'm a big girl, and I've heard my fair share of cussing (between dating a sailor and working with some rough characters, I've heard more than my fair share!), so it doesn't bother me when an occasional cuss word slips in, but having a string of pointless swear words in your statement seems asinine and like you are trying to sound more important than you really are. You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Trust me.
Next: maintain eye contact. Dr. Seuss said it best: "A person is a person, no matter how small."
No matter who you're talking to, look at them. Look directly in their eyes and speak to them. Your eyes should not wander behind the other person, trying to find something more interesting to look at. That's rude. If they are important enough to talk to, then they deserve the respect of being looked in the eyes. Also, don't scan their body; I know it's tempting sometimes to check out the person you're talking to, and for your eyes to rest on their best physical feature. That's rude, too. You may think it's a form of flattery to look a girl up and down, checking her body out, but I'm willing to bet that she wishes your eyes were focused on her eyes. The same goes for talking to guy: don't treat them like a piece of meat. If you're talking to them, look at them, see them as a person, and actually talk to them. Don't talk AT them while looking them over. (If they break eye contact for some reason, then it is acceptable to check them out, but when they turn back to you, you should be looking in their eyes.)
I know we live in a time when electronic devices rule the world, but nothing irritates me in the same way as having a conversation with someone and for them to start playing on their phone, or ipod or whatever. It doesn't matter what the device is, it matters that it is put away while talking to people. Whether you initiate the conversation, or someone starts talking to you makes no difference; you should put your music on pause, take a break from your "Words with Friends" game, let that text message wait until you are done talking. If someone takes the time to talk to you, then you should have the time to respect them and actually listen to what they are saying (as opposed to playing your online games and simply nodding your head when they take a break from talking). I understand if you have to take a phone call during a conversation, but once again, treat the person you're talking to with some respect: tell them that you have to take this phone call, apologize, take a step back from there so that you aren't having a different conversation in their face, get off the phone as soon as possible, and then resume the conversation you were having prior to the phone ringing.
Some of you want to argue with me on this point, saying that you are a wonderful multi-tasker, and can do all these different things while still paying attention to the person you're talking to. My response: It doesn't matter. I don't care if you're the best multi-tasker in the world, I still think it's rude to put meaningless objects, especially technology, ahead of people, especially those standing in front of you vying for your attention. Just put your phone down and have a face-to-face conversation. Odds are it will do you good.
These may seem like simple tips, but you would be surprised at how many people don't follow these basic rules.Children, teenagers, and adults alike are guilty of disregarding these common-courtesy rules. I promise that if one person follows all of these rules, the conversation will improve at least 20%. Imagine how much things would improve if everyone involved in the conversation were to follow all these tips.Trust me when I say that by following these rules, people will be more interested in what you have to say. So what do you think about these helpful hints? Do you think most people abide by these rules, or should they take a trip to Courtesy Class and learn how to follow these guidelines? Do you think these three simple tips are sufficient, or are there other rules that need enforcing? Are you guilty of abandoning these rules of courtesy in favor of multitasking? Let me know what you think.
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